Vicki Landers The episode delves deeper into how Vicki reimagined her professional life by moving out of her comfort zone, challenging traditional
In this inspiring podcast episode, Melissa and Audra discuss the significance of embracing patience and purpose while navigating through waiting seasons in life and business. They emphasize the power of asking questions, building resilience, and accepting the challenges that come with entrepreneurship.
Melissa Vande Kieft (VANDA-KEEFT) is a speaker and bestselling author of Living in the Wait: How to Use the Delays in Life Differently.
Her journey with waiting and discovering purpose in the process began after she encountered an unexpected season of waiting.
Even though her faith was challenged, her drive to make the most of the middle kicked into high gear.
Through her experience, she encourages women to be brave to discover the details God is orchestrating and designing through each life experience.
*What follows is an AI-generated transcript may not be 100% accurate.
[00:00:36] Audra: all right. Welcome back to another episode of The Mess in the Middle Today. My special guest is Melissa from South Dakota.
[00:00:47] Hello, and we’re going to dig into her story and how she serves, and, hopefully share some valuable stuff that will help you guys keep moving through the middle. welcome Melissa to the show. Hello. Thank you,
[00:00:59] Melissa: Audra. I can’t wait to chat about a topic I really love, which is the middle. I know not everybody, the middle talk about it, but we all have a middle and I love the fact that you bring light to just that time in our lives and what it can do and how we work through it.
[00:01:13] So I’m excited.
[00:01:14] Audra: Good. Good. so let’s take a few minutes to get everybody up to speed. Whoop, get everybody. Guys, I’m still dealing with the broken wrist, so take it easy on me. you’re the middle. You’re in the middle. Oh, Lord, sister. You’re not kidding. so take, let’s take a few minutes to tell everybody who you are and how you’re showing up in the world.
[00:01:32] Melissa: Yeah, definitely. I’m Melissa. as Audra mentioned, I am from South Dakota, so if I sound like I have an accent,
[00:01:38] Audra: Dakota,
[00:01:39] Melissa: I [00:01:40] don’t sound like my Os, but I think I do. really for me, how I show up in the world and where my start got started was I navigated a season of waiting. I had a time in my life where I wanted something and it was not happening on my timeline.
[00:01:53] I was doing everything right, quote unquote right as the world would tell you to do, to achieve an outcome, a goal, a desire that I had and it wasn’t happening. And for me, I finally got to a point where it was just, I knew something had to change. Yeah. Cause how I was living my life, how I was showing up in the world, with my husband, family, friends, wasn’t really who I was or how I wanted to show up.
[00:02:21] And so I really had this come to Jesus turning point where I just knew Hey, I, I need to find a way to navigate the wait differently. I knew there had to be a better way to do that, and that’s a short version of that. but that was really what started me on this journey of, becoming an author, writing a book, speaking, and even transitioned me into being a freelancer where I have my now as well.
[00:02:45] and I think that’s important to mention because really that journey, I think, started me on this whole journey of willingness to take risk and willingness to try and willingness to be in the middle more than I have been. Prior to experiencing this season of waiting.
[00:03:04] Audra: Wow. What a great story. That’s a good perspective to have, especially in the beginning here.
[00:03:10] What did you do before you opened up your own business? Yeah,
[00:03:15] Melissa: so I worked full-time, so worked in corporate Amer You had a job. Okay. yep. Had a job and, [00:03:20] really revolved around event planning, marketing, copywriting, social media was getting big around that time, which seems so weird to say that it was just getting started, I know, right? so yeah, I did that all before and, okay. I would say that in my personal life and professional life, things, I had many hills, quite I’ve had lots of ups and downs in my life prior to this really big,mile marker moment. But when I finally reached this, I guess I would say mountain, I mean it really changed my perspective, just on really everything, right?
[00:03:49] Audra: Work my life professionally, all of those types of things. So you ended up, I guess the pivot that you made was still with skills that you already had did you always think, Hey, maybe I should start a business doing this, or just, I don’t know what it is, but I need to explore it?
[00:04:06] Melissa: yeah. It’s probably really more the latter. So really for me, what it was I really was having this conversation with God in this moment of this frustration and anger and bitterness, right? this is just what I kept feeling, being stuck in the middle, right? Like I wasn’t making progress, feeling like I was never gonna get there.
[00:04:24] And I finally had a moment where my heart was really open and instead of crying out and begging my questions that I was asking him, turned to questions of hope. Good. I felt that shift. And really the question that really shifted everything was, how do I continue living while waiting for my heart’s desire?
[00:04:42] Audra: Oh, that’s a good one. Wait, let’s sit for a second with that one. Yeah. How do I continue living but still get focused on achieving? Your heart’s desire. Okay, yeah. Yeah, that’s nice.
[00:04:55] Melissa: how do I keep living, while I’m trying to get to that desire or that goal? [00:05:00] And that really shifted things for me.
[00:05:01] And in that moment I didn’t know exactly. So I think that’s important to remember for us as business owners or entrepreneurs. I didn’t know what my five year plan looked like. I didn’t have it all mapped out after that. But I knew in that moment this idea of,living in the wait. I knew it was bigger than myself.
[00:05:19] And so things started shifting in my mind and I was becoming more curious about, what could this look like? And for me, it really started as a blog. okay. Articles, started a website where I just shared my heart and, got traffic with that where people were connecting with me, which was crazy for me all over the world, right?
[00:05:37] I was sharing my perspective on waiting and how I was navigating things and where we were at personally in this journey. And, just that really meshed with my skills. And that one, what was really cool is because I’ve always loved writing. I don’t know if any of your listeners here, I journaled all the time growing up.
[00:05:55] I just wrote down, I still have some of my journals, which is hilarious to look at. Sometimes, but that skill, it was so cool when I looked back on that where I was like, I really had been harnessing that skill my whole life, this writing and sharing my thoughts and expressing how I was feeling.
[00:06:13] And now I just transferred it on a global scale, right? Yeah. And so a personal, sharing it online and that really just expanded where the thought came through of how about writing a book? how about sharing this so people can tangibly have something, that they can grab? And I’ve got my book right here, where I shared those blog posts and put them in this book as well.
[00:06:34] And I wouldn’t say that my goal growing up had been, Hey, I’m gonna start a business. I’m gonna share [00:06:40] these deep personal parts of myself with everybody in the world. But life happened and it really shifted my perspective where I. I decided, and I, was obedient to following this really big pull that I was having of, you know what, you need to share your story, you need to connect with people.
[00:06:57] so I feel like that really shifted for me. And then all of a sudden it was like, Hey, like this can be a business, right? And I can maybe explore other options for a business as well. it really shifted my perspective on that, and I’m, I will never say I’m grateful for the journey because it was hard, right?
[00:07:15] I’m not gonna sit here and say, oh, it was, I’m so glad, but I am glad for what I learned for the people I met, the skills that I gathered. I am grateful for all of that because oftentimes it is those valleys, those hard times in our life, in our business where we learn the most, right? I feel like we’re the most vulnerable, where we are willing to say, I gotta figure a different way to do this, right?
[00:07:42] I need to find people. And bring them into my circle because I can’t do this on my own anymore. And I think that’s an important thing for us to take away is when you’re in those moments, yes, you’re gonna feel frustrated and probably really angry. And I think when you step back and take a couple deep breaths, you can say, okay, how do we work through this?
[00:08:03] Who can I reach out to? and forage through and almost, come out as a different person because of what you’ve learned. And this required not middle,
[00:08:12] Audra: not middle. And you know what I think first, that’s an amazing story and I, this is what this [00:08:20] business is all about. This is what entrepreneurship is about, and how billion dollar companies get built and just, people even smaller than that, just providing for their family and creating beautiful lives for themselves and their people around them.
[00:08:35] the big takeaway there for me is, You pushed through it, you stopped for a second and said, okay, I’m not in control of this. I need to stop trying to force a triangle in a square because what I’m doing isn’t working and I need to be able to just sit with that for a minute and see what comes.
[00:08:56] entrepreneurs I run into all the time, we’re forcers, right? We’re pushers, we’re achievers, we’re hard drivers, and we always think, we’ll just push through it. Is it a person, a process, a product, something? Somebody’s gonna help me solve this. But sometimes when you’ve tried all that and you keep forcing and you keep forcing, and you don’t get any momentum, you can’t get through whatever’s blocking you.
[00:09:20] Sometimes you do. You just have to sit, step back and just say,okay. I’m not driving. regardless if you believe in God or the universe or whatever, that you’re higher power is, you gotta just stop for a second because you’re missing something, you’re not hearing it. You are too focused on getting to achieve whatever’s next, and you’re missing the whole value of what you’re doing to begin with.
[00:09:42] Melissa: Yeah. And I think it’s so hard cuz we are a world that is outcome focused, right? Yeah. I mean that from a very little age, it’s so much about outcome, right? Yeah. Like how you can talk, how quickly you can walk, how quickly you get to eat solids, right? It’s always about this outcome, right? from a very little age and it’s a [00:10:00] hard reframe in your mind to not be, and it’s, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have goals and desires to work towards, but oftentimes that becomes it, right?
[00:10:10] Like we have blindness and it’s it’s gotta be this outcome. It’s it, and then we miss, or we’re unable to step back as you were saying, and kind of question and become curious of, is that the route I wanna take? Or is that where I’m actually being called to lead or show up in the world?
[00:10:27] but when we’re so focused on that outcome, I, there’s so much noise that I think we can’t hear what is maybe being shared with us. and one thing that you were mentioning I think is really important that I think those times in our lives where we’re in the middle, where we are, we kinda feel stuck.
[00:10:43] We’re waiting, I think a way to reframe it. I like to think of three Ps that I think can help reframe it for us. Okay. Is looking at that time as a time of preparation, Protection and also a time of finding purpose. Yes. And so the, I think the, just when you think about it like that, you can step back and say, okay, so for us, our season of waiting was to have a family.
[00:11:08] Okay, we met infertility. That was what that journey was. Now I have since had more with my business, starting my business, launching my book. But really when you step back, it’s okay, how am I being prepared? if I’m waiting, if I’m in the middle, how am I being prepared right now? So what skills am I gathering?
[00:11:25] What connections am I making? What things am I learning? When you pose that question to yourself, I think you’ll realize, okay, I am still making progress. Maybe it’s not exactly towards my goal, but I am still [00:11:40] gaining something, right? You are still having this value that is being added to your life in the middle.
[00:11:47] And then I think the second one is protection, which I think most of us don’t like, because I think we know everything we need, right? so far
[00:11:56] Audra: from it,
[00:11:57] Melissa: right? I know what I need and I have the best plans put in place, right? Timelines and. Really that protection is saying, okay, maybe this thing that I’m wanting or desiring to happen today, tomorrow, a month from now, maybe the reason it isn’t happening is because if I got that thing right now, it would be a curse in your life and not a blessing.
[00:12:19] Yeah. Because maybe you really aren’t ready to handle that thing yet, whatever it is. and maybe it’s because these, you need to be prepared before you receive that very thing that you’re desiring. and so I think if you can frame it like that, Hey, maybe I’m being protected. How am I being protected from getting this and I’m not ready?
[00:12:39] Because we all know those times that have happened in our lives where maybe it. Financially, maybe, mentally, spiritually, maybe it was like, okay, this maybe didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. Or I needed more preparation in my life for it. So that’s the second one.
[00:12:55] And then the third one is just finding purpose. I think realizing that middle that me, in and of itself is still bringing about new purpose in your life. And so my example is that this journey of trying to start a family brought this new purpose for me of speaking and sharing my story more, writing a book, eventually leaning me to start my own business where I probably, so I could have more control [00:13:20] over my life because the situation reminded me I wasn’t in control.
[00:13:23] so I know none of those things would have happened. Without this journey because I wouldn’t have been open to it. It would’ve been, Hey, my, my plan is this. I got pregnant. I have a kid. it’s just this, where it just opened up so much more. And I’ve said it before, that this journey for me, I was trying to create life, right?
[00:13:44] I wanted to become a mom and have a child get pregnant. That was the life I wanted. But this journey itself also brought a new life to me for that passions and purpose and just wanting to share my story to help other people. That was new life that was being created for me as well. That, like I said, I never would’ve imagined or looked for that.
[00:14:04] So I think that’s important to people who are listening to remember that, whether it’s a personal, your business, whatever, maybe you’re, think of that as preparation, protection, and also still finding purpose in the middle.
[00:14:15] Audra: That’s beautiful. There’s so many different things that I wanna grab ahold of there, but I think a couple of really important ones to focus on is where we start and where we end up are typically not the same place.
[00:14:27] I’ll give you a quick example. My first, venture into entrepreneurship, I decided to open up coffee shops. So my first one, I didn’t even drink coffee, so I had to learn about coffee from a different perspective. I had to learn about it from science, right? The functionality, what is good coffee, how to make certain kinds of drinks, all that kind of good stuff.
[00:14:50] So I learned it from that side of it. Now, originally when I opened it, I said I was only gonna sell coffee and pastries. That’s it. We’re gonna be a coffee house and whole, [00:15:00] whole beans stuff around coffee and pastries. That. So I kick off, I open the doors, I start getting some business, but then nothing after 11 o’clock in the morning.
[00:15:11] And then maybe we’d trickle in a little business at two, two to three. And that was it. Business was, die was dead. But I opened these up in the community that I grew up in, so I knew a lot of people. So I started asking people, why? Why do I only see you in the morning? What’s,Audra, after we have coffee in the morning, you don’t sell anything else to get us to come back.
[00:15:33] We need lunch, we need snacks, we need smoothies. We need desserts, we need other things. And you don’t sell any of that. So we don’t have any reason to come back and see you. Yeah. So it really forced me. I was, like I said, so against expanding the menu one because I felt like I was out of, it was out of my comfort zone.
[00:15:56] I didn’t have the skill to do that. I don’t know how to make sandwiches. I know how to make sandwiches, but I don’t know how to do it at restaurant scale. And I was like, ah, it’s just too big for me right now. Fast forward a couple months, I’m struggling. Because again, I’m not capitalizing on the customers that are loyal to me by selling them other things.
[00:16:16] So I was like, okay, I just gotta dig in. And so I’m a research person, right? I go out, I gather all the data, I come back, I put together a plan, and then I launch. So went out, did all my sandwich research, soups and salads, all that kind of stuff. Came back, started offering lunch, started offering smoothies, started offering live music, started doing events.
[00:16:38] Six months later, I opened [00:16:40] up my second store. But without, I resisted that because it was too big for me at the time. Yep. And then once I just said, I know how to do research. I started this from nothing. I’ll figure it out. I know how to ask questions. I don’t need to know the answer, or I don’t have to know it ahead of time.
[00:16:59] I’m just learning this and giving myself a little bit of grace to be able to say. It doesn’t matter that you have two college degrees. It doesn’t matter that you have children. It doesn’t matter that you’ve opened your first store, you’re still doing something that you’ve never done before. And it’s okay to not know how to do it.
[00:17:17] Yeah. So is getting me to a place where I could say, okay, it’s okay. Go ask some questions. Somebody will tell you the answer, somebody a few steps ahead of you. We’ll figure it out. Now mind you, this was in 1998, 2000 timeframe. So we didn’t have the internet. We didn’t have all the resources we have now.
[00:17:34] You actually had to go out and talk to people and to get it done. But once I became open to that, things just started flowing again. But it’s getting to that place of, I don’t wanna say, just giving up, but it’s, you’ve gotta be able to put the boundaries down, put the control down, put the limited beliefs down, and just say, you know what?
[00:17:58] Show me what to do. And you will be shown and the path will start again and the momentum will start again. And you’ll be able to move your business to whatever that next level looks like. Yeah. But we don’t know that starting this. So I think an important, and I’ve, in all fairness, I’ve experienced this numerous times over the last 20 years.[00:18:20]
[00:18:20] all within different businesses all get to a place you plateau off. You’ve gotta, you’ve gotta step back and just say, okay, I don’t know what I look like at this next level. So I need to slow down enough to be open to see, to let it show itself as to what it’s going to be next. And it will evolve and trust the system.
[00:18:41] Melissa: Yeah. Oh, definitely. And one thing you said, I think was you had a willingness. Like other people couldn’t force you to decide to expand. if you had to come to that own point on yourself, right? Like you had to have a realization. and I think that’s an important part for people who have a business or wanna start a business, is that it will be on a different timeline, right?
[00:19:02] Yeah. Like someone else could have maybe done that two months before you, but it, that wasn’t your story or your, really that growth journey that you were gonna experience that’s different. And I think understanding too that it’s okay, it’s okay to have that middle, have that weight.
[00:19:20] And I think that if we embrace that, I’m not saying it’s fun all the time, but I really do think that can be a superpower for people who. When you embrace that time of waiting, because then instead of just rushing through and like forcing things or bypassing lessons, you actually are getting wealth and value that will be added in.
[00:19:41] Yes, it’s gonna be hard earned, right? Hard earned wisdom most of the time. But I think that’s what then can propel you forward even more. Because I think as much as we wanna look at the world around us, because we’re so inundated with stories because of the internet, I feel [00:20:00] like a lot of our journeys are long gains.
[00:20:03] It’s the long gain, right? It’s actually get the success and the growth and the pure like joy, right? Joy from you, than just the short. The short game, right? I think we wanna play that. I would rather play that myself. Cause then you get what you want quicker, quote unquote. but there’s so much more value in that playing that long game and the growth and like the willingness to learn and wait and step back.
[00:20:26] along that way. I would say
[00:20:28] Audra: it’s definitely not easy. And like I said, it’s almost a conflict and personality because we’re drivers, right? We wanna get stuff done, we’re looking for results, we’re measuring, we’re trying to grow and scale and yep. Then you tell us to wait. So it is very difficult, but if you can recognize.
[00:20:47] It’s not a negative thing, it’s to be able to continue, almost take it like, you’re an all-star player on a sports team and you always start. But if they keep you out there and pushing you through the whole game, you are, you’ll start to see diminished returns of your efforts. You’ve gotta come out and sit on the bench for a minute.
[00:21:08] One to let other players play, but two, to regain why you’re an all-star to begin with. And if we don’t take those kind of breaks as an entrepreneur, the universe will make you take those breaks. Yeah. Oh, totally. Like it or not, it’s going to happen.
[00:21:24] Melissa: As you were saying, I think is important too, is knowing that like these breaks and those moments, these mental events in our lives, I don’t think, I don’t view them as punishments, right?
[00:21:35] Audra: They’re growth times. Yes. Yeah.
[00:21:37] Melissa: And I think it can be easy to say, I’m [00:21:40] being punished, or, I did something wrong and that’s why this bad thing happened to me. and I think that there can, Give us that negative perception, right? You were saying it felt viewed as this negative thing, and I think when we go down that path, it can be really dangerous because then that’s when we start to question ourselves what we’re doing.
[00:22:00] And that happens anyway. When you’re an entrepreneur and you own your own business.
[00:22:03] Audra: Imposter syndrome.
[00:22:05] Melissa: Exactly. And then when you add that on, so I think when you can reframe it, not saying you have to be excited to be going through these growth journeys, it’s more of an end thing where you’re like, okay, this is difficult and it’s still valuable.
[00:22:20] It’s still beneficial for me, our business, our customers, clients, our family. That I think just gives you this renewed purpose of that time in your life where it’s no longer this, constant cycle of anger in the journey. It’s more of what am I learning? What am I gaining? How am I being protected?
[00:22:39] What, what is on the horizon for me? once you’re through that valley
[00:22:43] Audra: a thing. I times like that is where my training as, so I have a degree in psychology and behavioral science. And I’m a master practitioner in N L P. When I hit walls like that, I have to stop and just say, okay, you’ve been trying to force this for months.
[00:23:01] Stop it. Let’s just sit with it for a second. And I’ll take a pad of paper and I’ll just sit down. I’ll say, okay, this is where I feel like I’m blocked. And like you, I’ve been, I think I have journals back to 1993. create, I don’t do it as much anymore just because I’m spend so much time working.
[00:23:18] But [00:23:20] when I get stuck like that, I gotta get it outta my head. Otherwise I’m just looping with this constant, I’m stuck. I’m stuck. I can’t figure this out. What is it supposed to be? I’m not, and trying to force something and it’s not gonna come then. I have to just walk away, go for a run.
[00:23:36] not for a bike ride for a little while, but do something different. To be able to say, okay, I don’t see it. I can’t see it. I’m trying to force it. I need some fresh air and I need to just say, this is what I’m struggling. Here’s a wait. Here’s a perfect example. I just ran into the other day.
[00:23:52] So I’m building a platform called the zindo and Company Marketplace. Within the marketplace. think of it like, a mall. I’ve built my anchor stores, right? The kind of the big ones. I do WordPress hosting and tech support and a training side and all this kind of good stuff. I’m trying to simplify the process to launch and grow a business online with just one path, right?
[00:24:16] Yeah. So one of the things that I’ve been challenged with for at least two years is figuring out how to set up from a technology standpoint, how to create all these different platforms into one membership that has different options. Haven’t been able to figure it out. So I’ll put it on my plate. Go down a rabbit hole.
[00:24:38] I’m, because I’m a builder, right? I build technology, leave it alone. I can’t figure it out. Go back and visit, go back and visit. Talking to a buddy of mine the other day. And I, he’s so Audra, what? I haven’t seen this thing come to fruition yet. I’m like, dude, I can’t figure it out. This is what I’m trying to do.
[00:24:55] I need like a Adobe Creative Cloud membership program where they [00:25:00] can pick and choose which tools they want with one subscription. And from a technology standpoint, nobody has that based on the tech stack that I currently have, unless I’m gonna go custom code it and then the there that has its own issues.
[00:25:15] Yeah. So believe me, I’ve gone down that path. he’s so why don’t you just preset the plans? I’m like, what are you talking about? He’s don’t give them options. Just preset the plans. This plan, this bundle offers this bundle offers this. And I was like, wait a second. What we, so we talked through it cuz he’s a tech guy like me.
[00:25:36] And I was like, come on. So I spent the last two days building it and it’s built now. Cool. But I have delayed it for two years.
[00:25:49] Melissa: It wasn’t the right time it wasn’t
[00:25:51] Audra: time. It was the right time. Something so stupid like that. And I was like, oh my gosh, I have been trying to force this. If I would’ve just let it go.
[00:25:58] I even post on social media, Hey you guys, anybody know how to figure this out? And I got a lot of suggestions, but none of them would work. Just like that. It was somebody else figured it out. I was like, oh, stop it. Even somebody like me with this much experience, we still run into stuff and sometimes it’s just better to walk away from it, re-approach it at another time and another place, and that moved and it moves the momentum forward again.
[00:26:25] Melissa: Yeah. I and it’s so important what you’re saying to be around people like that, right? Being a community of other people that. Just, they’re doers and thinkers and they’re curious about things and how stuff works and how it can be different and that. [00:26:40] cause cuz if you ask different questions, you’re gonna get different answers.
[00:26:43] But if is asked the same question, you’re gonna get the same answer every time, and so that can be really powerful, like you said, of just asking those questions. and getting different answers.
[00:26:53] Audra: Really ask, getting good at asking questions does two different things. And, if anybody takes anything away from this episodes besides us shifting our thought to getting through the weight versus trying to shove everything through like I have for so many years, get really good at asking questions you,
[00:27:12] Nobody expects you to know everything but you. That’s it. Just you. It’s so true.
[00:27:18] Melissa: Yeah. and I, good job. Yeah. And I call that advocating, right? I think asking questions is really having the ability to advocate. And when you’re doing that, you’re advocating for your business, for your future, for your finances, your family.
[00:27:32] and I think. Oftentimes, and I will say even for myself, when I started all of this, I started really small, right? I’m still very small and I was afraid to be seen that way. And I think when you realize that the risk is worth it, right? Like it’s no superior to start asking questions even though you’re small and you’re learning than it is to stay where you are.
[00:27:56] There’s that line, right? We all come to this point in our lives where we’re like, okay, I’m ready to cross that line no matter what. And that’s where it can start with asking questions, right? Like when I started my book, okay, hey, I have this idea. I’d let you know, I’m gonna talk to who I know is a publisher.
[00:28:12] What does that look like to write a book? You just asked that question and it can take you down this whole path and it can show you really, I [00:28:20] think it can, take away some of the power of that ambigu. Ambigu, I’m not gonna say ambiguous. Yeah. Ambiguity. yeah. Yeah. I think that when you ask those questions, it can take some of that away because we’ve already created this story in our remind of, oh my gosh, publishing a book is too hard.
[00:28:37] it’s gonna cost too much money. I don’t think I can do it. And then when I ask the question, nobody’s gonna buy it. Yeah. No one’s gonna buy it. and then when ask the question, it’s Oh, that’s it. I can do that. And I think that so much of having a business and trying new things like you are with zindo and create marketplace, it’s asking questions and then all of a sudden it’s oh, it’s not so big or scary anymore because the story I told myself is different than actually the story of making it happen.
[00:29:05] is really powerful. And that’s one of the things I talk about in the book. I share seven truths about what we can do in seasons of waiting. Okay. Cause especially for us, We’re doers, we’re checklist makers, we’re high achievers, overthinkers sometimes, and I share seven truths.
[00:29:22] And so I’ll share ’em with you here and they can be applicable for people in different ways and Okay. Really. So what they are is the acronym is waiting. I wanted to keep that word. Yeah. Front in our minds, but it’s worship. Acceptance, investigate, trust, intentional, new, and then grow. generosity is the last.
[00:29:43] Nice. And so we’ll just, let’s just pick one for example. Generosity. You mention it a little bit of like when you step back from Your yourself or your problem. And that’s where I think generosity is one that can, comes in. And I see generosity really as a form of encouragement.
[00:29:58] And so I feel like [00:30:00] in those moments when we’re in a season of waiting where obviously we’ve got those blinders on, we’re so focused on our outcome. When you decide to be generous to someone else, whether it’s with your words of encouragement or a gift or your time, I think you just get a new perspective or a different perspective.
[00:30:17] Just on life and your situation, just like you did with your friend that you called. They were generous with their time and gave that to you. And really, I think it can pay it forward. it doesn’t take away your weight, not all the time, right? But I think it just, it can make it more bearable, I think, or make it more of an enjoyable process, by putting some of those seven truths into place.
[00:30:40] Audra: for me, when I get to a place where I feel stuck and I’m feeling ungrateful or unappreciative, I go volunteer. yep. go teach a class. Go. my superpower that the big guy gave me is I know how to help other people make money, period. Yeah. And that systems and processes and building and, infrastructure, that is my superpower.
[00:31:06] And simplifying all that for people. So when I get stuck, I go and I share that for other people that are stuck. I’m involved in the entrepreneur community, and I’ll go teach a class, say on getting started with video.
[00:31:21] And I’m like, okay, here’s the basics. Just do this. And I’ve had people say to me, I made it this big in my mind and this is why I have avoided it. It’s like my nemesis, it keeps me up at night. I’m frustrated with it, but I’m angry at it, but I know I need to do it and I just can’t get around these mental [00:31:40] blocks.
[00:31:40] And just hearing a different perspective, simplifying it, it’s oh, like you said, I can do that. That was easy. That’s it. that’s, I’ve made it this big and it’s this big. This is crazy. And then they go and they implement that and it moves them to what’s next. That’s how I get unstuck because then I, it recenters me to, wait a second.
[00:32:02] You have a bigger picture, you have a bigger purpose. Stop worrying about why you are stuck. Go help somebody else. And then it pushes you back into, okay, I’m refocused, I’m grateful, I have gratitude for what I’m supposed to be doing. Stay the course.
[00:32:18] Melissa: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s how you’re generous. You’re generous with your time and your skills that you have.
[00:32:24] you’re that way. And that is exactly one way to navigate that. Like kinda staying with that piece of it. and I had kinda shared too, the one is that investigate and that’s where you said, It’s that research and asking questions and that can help you move through that weight as well.
[00:32:39] It doesn’t always mean you’ll get to your outcome, right? that is nothing that any of us can guarantee as much. I wish. I think we all wish we could. but that is a key piece of that time because that’s where you’re asking different questions, you’re meeting different people. and even for us in our journey, We started meeting new people along this way that we would’ve never met.
[00:33:00] we never had the information, but that more research that advocating, asking questions. and I do really feel like that all prepared me for now having my own business because I was willing, I think I mentioned at the beginning, willing to take these risks, right? Because I knew that what I was trying to work for or work [00:33:20] towards was worth the risk of my comfort.
[00:33:22] that most of us don’t like stepping outside and waiting really brings that to the forefront, right? Because waiting is uncomfortable, right? It’s hard. Yeah. Cuz there’s uncertainty, there’s unknowns. and I feel like those will always be something that we’re uncomfortable with. unless those listing like those types of things.
[00:33:41] Cuz some people do. Yes. But that point in our, in my life really was like, okay, you know what? I’m gonna still, I’m gonna still maybe feel uncomfortable, but I’m willing to take that risk because, we wanted to get pregnant, we wanted a family. And now even for me, with my business, like it’s just me.
[00:33:59] I’m the only one who’s here talking about,getting clients and marketing and copywriting. And it’s I have to be willing to take the risk to say, okay, this is still uncomfortable while I’m waiting and navigating, but I know what I want my business to look like. I know what I want to do for my family, the joy that I get, what I can do for clients.
[00:34:17] And so it’s I’m gonna push through that good. and work through that. cuz I think there’s a balance of knowing that if something feels off or if it’s just afraid. or if it’s actually, what do I wanna say? The, something that is harmful versus just if we uncomfortable Sure, sure.
[00:34:35] is a different thing.
[00:34:36] Audra: I think that something that you’ve touched on here and really this whole episode has been about, there’s no course, there’s no coach, there’s no, building or process or program that you can get into that is gonna prevent you from having to go through this mind garbage.
[00:34:54] it’s just, yes, they can warn you it’s gonna happen. Yes, they can tell you how to push through it, [00:35:00] but until you’re actually going through it and start developing some skills for yourself. am I cut out to take risk? Am I comfortable or can I push myself to get through these uncomfortable conversations, these uncomfortable times when I, it’s, I’m alone and it’s dark and I’m scared and I don’t understand what is supposed to happen next.
[00:35:23] I know where I’m going. Yep. But there’s no map. There’s no, I’m walking through the alley and there’s only strangers back here. that comes from in here. Wherever you’ve gotta find that strength. And it’s not going out and buying a program, don’t get me wrong, that kinda stuff helps.
[00:35:40] But at the end of the day, it’s just you and your business and you’ve gotta get to a place where you take the hits, you understand that challenges are gonna come up and you’re not gonna have the answer. And you’re either gonna avoid it or dismiss it or find another way around it. People will say, if I hit a wall, I get it.
[00:36:00] I’ll push against a wall a few times and then I’ll say, okay, I’m not getting through it. I either need to find a way over it, around it, under it or find a window in another building, but I can’t go through this path that I’m on right now cuz it’s not gonna work. Yeah. And until you get to that place with yourself
[00:36:18] challenges are gonna be tough man, and they’re gonna stop you and you just have got to build up that resilience before, quick story. Before I started this podcast, I’ve avoided this for 10 years because I didn’t feel like I could grab ahold of something that was important enough to take up somebody’s time.
[00:36:38] And this kind of came [00:36:40] to me because I kept having the same conversation again and again with every small business that I was working with from an agency perspective. Yep. It didn’t matter if they were brand new, they’re at a million, they’re trying to get to 5 million. This stuff in here is tripping them up.
[00:36:58] Yeah. Same conversation. Same thing about risk, same thing about frustration. scarcity. Loneliness. all of that same stuff. And then I finally got it like, oh, no wonder why there are so many people out there talking about mindset. The risk, the other 80% of marketing I can teach you with a tutorial and a S O P.
[00:37:20] Yeah. It’s at 20% that people really need to focus on in their business to build a thriving business.
[00:37:29] Melissa: Yeah. Oh, definitely. It’s, and what you shared there, the word that comes to mind is acceptance. Yeah. Is that accepting that with entrepreneurship, that there will be times where you’re gonna feel stuck or you’re gonna be waiting, or it’s gonna be challenging and it, and I think when we, I’ll say for myself, especially when I first started, I had it, it comes down to our expectations, right?
[00:37:51] Oh, when I went full-time freelancing just this past January, so I’ve only been doing it now for about five months full-time when I started. So you’re talking about mindset, right? When I started, I said, this is going to take a while. I said to myself, I’m going to find clients, but I said, it will take some time.
[00:38:08] Like I knew I wasn’t gonna have 10 clients right away when I started. And I really feel like that set the tone for me, that I have not felt like I’m in this rush or I’m getting [00:38:20] impatient or anything. And so I think that goes back to us too, is what are those expectations that we have? And then also finding that acceptance of saying, okay, this is what it is.
[00:38:30] This is where I’m at. Maybe I don’t like it and I’m upset by it, but this is where I am and now what do I wanna do different? Or like you said, how do I wanna go over or under or through? But I think that acceptance is a really key turning point. In our mindset of saying, this is where I am. I don’t have to like it.
[00:38:49] I can be unhappy about it. I can be frustrated about how I got here. Yeah. Okay. Then how to, like we said, under overthrow window, I think is that piece to keep going
[00:39:00] Audra: that in comparison, right? If so, if you go back to acceptance, the other thing that weighs heavily on that is, is comparison of, everything I see online, I’m supposed to be at a million dollars after I build a funnel in the first year.
[00:39:15] I just gotta follow these 10 steps and the money’s gonna be there. it’s recognizing that programs and training amazing creators out there getting tremendous results. This, but it really goes back to who are you, who is your audience? What is your message? How are you serving? Or what are you selling?
[00:39:34] And then how are you doing that? the rest of those pieces are just pieces to help you along that journey. But no, I know I harped on the program thing, but cuz I sell courses too. But I can only give you so much information. It’s what you do with it. To be able to decide how far it’s going to help you further down the journey.
[00:39:55] I can’t remove your fear. I can’t remove your self-doubt, your [00:40:00] insecurities, your imposter syndrome, your inability to accept that it’s gonna be hard work. We can’t do that for you, even though we just let this beautiful path for you to follow. You are still gonna have to work through that kind of stuff.
[00:40:14] Melissa: So it goes back to what you said, accepting of where I’m at right now. These are the skills I have. Do I need to learn something else? Do I need to have some bigger conversations with potential customers? Does my product need to pivot? Have I found my voice and my audience? A lot of times it’s just that They’re just, they haven’t said out loud enough who they are and what they sell and who they serve. if they don’t do that often enough, and I don’t mean regurgitate it like a, elevator speech, but at their core, To who they are, what they’re serving. How is anybody else gonna know that? Yeah, definitely. and the wait can take that time and reassess. There you go. And spend some time with that. And I think a lot of it is that just, it seems so simple, right? Yeah. That I think oftentimes we’re looking for this complex 10 step thing. and I can’t remember the metaphor of this entirely, but it’s basically, as a business owner, an entrepreneur, We can’t just read about something and say we’ve actually experienced it.
[00:41:17] I can’t read about France and then be like, oh, I know all this stuff about it. Cuz it’s different when you go there and you experience it. Yeah. And so it’s the same thing with your business. We can read about all these things, but until you actually walk through some of it, it’s just different.
[00:41:30] You know it differently. You experience it differently in your body and your mind. And I think that’s the exciting part about business is that we can lean on [00:41:40] each other, get the information we need, and then put it into practice and tinker and adjust and reiterate, as you’re going on this journey, because I feel like as a business owner, you are always gonna be waiting for something.
[00:41:53] Yeah. There’s always gonna be something you’ll be navigating and waiting to happen or come to fruition. That first hire, that first million, that first client, all of those things, you’ll be waiting to hit those goals and benchmarks. And so I think when you accept a no. This is that journey.
[00:42:09] This is the journey I’m on. I think you can sit back and buckle in and be like, okay, let’s go on that journey. Versus trying to hop out and get in the next car. Cuz you think that one’s gonna, you won’t have any waiting or won’t have those challenges. It’s nope, that one did too. and that one did too.
[00:42:25] and just taking that ride and accepting that this is the journey, a little, that is the journey.
[00:42:30] Audra: Oh my goodness, this has been great. I’ve so enjoyed it. So as we get close to wrapping things up, what would be some final advice that you would give people that are listening about waiting, help them this is my path now.
[00:42:45] Melissa: Yeah. I th the one thing I really like to tell people is this, is that whatever you are waiting for, it matters. So we talked a lot about business, but I know that affects a lot of things in our lives. So whatever you’re waiting for, it matters. It is something that you are wanting and desiring.
[00:43:00] And so you talked about comparison. Whatever it is, right? It’s yours and it matters to you whether you think it’s a big thing or a little thing compared to Audra’s or mine. It’s yours and it matters, and I think it’s important to. just know that, because I think that helps you through all those things, acceptance, [00:43:20] validation, of just what it is that you’re desiring,and can help you work through or move through, what those next steps are with that.
[00:43:27] So I think that’s the first thing that I would say. and then the last thing is just that, waiting is something that we all experience in our lives, right? We don’t get to pick or choose the things we wait. No. or how long they are going to wait. But we do get to choose how we walk through them.
[00:43:42] And that is really what living in the weight, my book, when I started my blog is really all about, is like how we walk through those times in our lives. And that is something that we do get to control. And so I would just remind those listening that if you were going through a season of waiting right now, personally and professionally, whatever it is, yes.
[00:44:00] You didn’t pick it, you didn’t choose it, you didn’t want it. But you can, shift and reframe as I talked about those three Ps of preparation, protection, and purpose. Use that as you navigate it to make the weight really a better process. And something that when you look back on you find that there is still joy, there’s still fulfillment, there’s still peace, contentment, even as you were walking through it.
[00:44:25] That’s what I share.
[00:44:26] Audra: Oh, it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. I can’t add anything to that. Melissa, thank you so much for being here today. It’s been a pleasure. Thank you, Audra. I really appreciate your time. Yeah. All right. You guys, you heard her be patient, maybe not even be patient, be present in the wait and keep moving through the middle.
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