Shelley Smith Doyle

Shelley, a communications expert turned Personal Community Strategist, guides individuals on their spiritual journeys and through life transitions to discover their tribe of like-minded individuals. Together, Audra and Shelley explore the patterns that often emerge when people find themselves stuck in the middle and the importance of knowing oneself before attracting the right audience. They delve into the challenges of finding genuine support, the power of intentional friendships, and the need for self-reflection during pivotal moments.

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About the Guest

Shelley Smith Doyle is a Life & Connection Coach, with 20 years’ experience in Communications.


Through coaching, workshops, and speaking, Shelley helps soulpreneurs, digital nomads, and spiritual seekers build authentic relationships with people they love to speak to (through podcasting!), so that they can be themselves, feel connected and inspired, and truly belong – no matter where they are.


Shelley has a BA in Public Relations and is working towards a Masters in Interdisciplinary Studies – fusing leadership, technology and community to find solutions to the loneliness epidemic.


She is originally from the UK and now lives with her family on Vancouver Island, traveling frequently to speak and hold workshops around the world.


Shelley is committed to helping her clients all around the world transform their lives through the power of authentic live interaction.


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Audra Carpenter



Shelley Smith Doyle



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Episode Transcript

*What follows is an AI-generated transcript may not be 100% accurate. 


[00:00:37] Audra: . Welcome back to another episode of The Mess in the Middle. Today my special guest, which I’m really looking forward to, this conversation is Shelley. Now I’m going to give you a few minutes to tell everybody a little bit about you and how you’re showing up in the universe, and then we’ll dig into things.

[00:00:54] I got a little bit of an agenda today and I typically, I don’t, I kind of freestyle it, but I wanna dig into a couple of patterns that I keep seeing. Show up with folks in the middle. So welcome to the show, Shelley. I’m excited to have you here. Thank

[00:01:07] Shelley: you. Thank you Audra. So nice to be here. so I’ll just very briefly just tell you where I’m at right now.

[00:01:14] So my background is all communications pr. And through a huge life journey over the last few years, I’m now helping people, particularly people who are on their spiritual journeys or going through really profound life transitions to find their people and to build their personal inner circle. Okay.

[00:01:38] That’s not, it’s not [00:01:40] like a mastermind. It’s not a, people pay to be part of this thing, which I know a lot of people do run, but this is your personal inner circle. The people that are have got your corner and you know they’re willing to be your sounding boards and they may be in person, they may be online.

[00:01:58] So it’s really building out. The people that are gonna be in your circle. And whether they know it or not, it doesn’t really matter. But for me, I find with my clients, having a visual remembering who they are is really important. Yeah. Because life is so darn busy and there are so many people, we’ve all got hundreds, thousands of contacts across our social media channels and fantastic people that we’ve met through our life.

[00:02:28] But we don’t have capacity to have them all in our life. So it’s, so I take my clients on a journey to remember ourselves and then remember the people who are really aligned with where they are in their journey

[00:02:44] Audra: today. Wow. That’s great. You know what, and we, just so you guys know, we didn’t prep this ahead of time, but it ties into perfectly.

[00:02:55] What I wanted to talk about today. So with, yeah, with that being said, let me give you a little bit of backstory. heading down this path of podcasts, interviewing people, talking to different kinds of businesses at different stages along the process, these patterns keep showing up. And one of the first ones that is just like this neon light blinking at me [00:03:20] is people not.

[00:03:22] Focused on finding that community or that audience to sell their product to. Now it ties to it because I to what you just said, because I think some of the reason of that is they don’t know who they are. Yes. They haven’t figured out yet who they’re seeking to connect to or what their product

[00:03:43] is supposed to or how it’s supposed to serve. Now they know the technical stuff and they have the expertise about it and all that kind of good stuff on how they wanna sell it. I’m not talking about that side of it. I’m talking about this other side of it. They’ve not evolved through that process yet to be able to attract the right people.

[00:04:00] To start selling the product to. So what people do is they go to the technical stuff, and I know I’ve brought this up a couple times in different episodes, but it’s so important to reinforce, we have an idea of a business, right? Maybe we’ve pivoted outta something like you have, like I have many years ago.

[00:04:18] We grab a hold of the technical things. I need a website. I need a landing page. I need an email list. I need social media. Those are all things we can grab a hold of. We can go watch a YouTube video, read some blog content, buy a course, and we can implement it, right? We can day by day, build that.

[00:04:35] The challenge is six months from now when you’ve been building all that, you still don’t have an audience. You still haven’t figured out your community. you still haven’t figured out who you are as this new entrepreneur and how you’re going to serve at this level. And it’s such a crazy thing because every single person that I have interviewed so far has ran into this.[00:05:00]

[00:05:00] Shelley: and I think there’s, there is a challenge with coaching. so a lot of coaches are mindset coaches, so they wanna just give you the confidence that you’re going in the right direction, right? But are they challenging you enough that you are going in the right direction, or are they just being your like cheerleaders,yes.

[00:05:19] Your messaging’s brilliant. Do it. It’s but people who are in your inner circle, people that know you Yeah. Are they more likely to challenge? is that true for you? Let’s dig deeper. Let’s have a coffee and really get into that. Okay. So it’s like just being more intentional with your friends.

[00:05:41] There you go. Okay. And when we are going through these huge life transitions, We do need to assess are the people in our lives right. For us right

[00:05:55] Audra: now?

[00:05:56] Shelley: And there’s this thing like friend for a season, friend for a reason, friends for a lifetime. And I’ve certainly got my lifetime friends and I cherish them.

[00:06:05] And I love the fact that I have this consistency whenever I go home and we have these beautiful gatherings. That doesn’t mean that they need to be in my life the whole while. And actually like the stats show that the majority of people do keep the same friends for life. Which isn’t totally admirable.

[00:06:26] But that doesn’t necessarily leave space for the evolution of you. and the space is a really big thing. Like some of my clients are expats and they [00:06:40] have so many people to keep in touch with, but they go on this amazing adventure somewhere new. Yet they don’t actually make space to allow themselves to

[00:06:53] see all the clues that are there for them in the evolution of who they’re becoming because they’re spending all their time keeping in touch with everyone back home. Oh, interesting. So part of what I do as well, it’s bringing in communications theory, how we communicate to different audiences, and it’s no, you can keep all these people in your life, once a quarter arranging something.

[00:07:18] Could relieve you of that guilt feeling of having to keep in touch all the while. So it then leave space for who you

[00:07:26] Audra: are becoming. Okay. So if this idea or concept is new to people that are listening, yeah, I’m pushing through my business, but I do feel like I don’t have a sounding board and I don’t even know where to start figuring this out.

[00:07:42] What would you suggest to them?

[00:07:44] Shelley: Okay, so the first couple of weeks, date yourself. Okay. Our interesting intentional time. Create really beautiful spaces. Cook yourself your favorite meal. Get some candles on, get your journal out and really go deep into who am I? Who am I and is this pivot or the transition is this true for me?

[00:08:10] Am I, yeah, living in my authenticity with myself? So be real with yourself first and be brutally honest. Imagine you are [00:08:20] your own best friend, your own sounding board, and even talking out loud. Or going into nature even better, and talking out loud to a tree and letting the tree be your sounding board. Be that mirror to really get deep in yourself first, and then once you’ve gained some clarity there, I guide my clients in some visualization and meditation.

[00:08:47] Okay. To really go deep and see who comes to mind. And when they do, look them up. We’ve all got social media channels. And most of us waste ridiculous amounts of time on them. So forget the algorithm, forget your feed. See who naturally comes to mind, and then actively look them up, see what they’re putting out to the universe, see what clues they’re trying to give you.

[00:09:17] And then if it feels good for you, reach out to them. Something really personalized. My favorite is audio notes, which are always really well received. Like short. Keep them short, keep them about two minutes long. Leave them an audio note that’s personal. It’s because you’ve thought of them. It’s totally authentic cuz you have, and then a hook.

[00:09:40] So my media communication’s been coming in, so the hook is whatever they’ve been sharing on their social channels, that’s the hook. So you. So they know that you are aware of what they’ve been up to, and then you’re just opening up a

[00:09:55] Audra: conversation. That’s brilliant. I don’t think we [00:10:00] spend enough time going this way, meaning looking within, we’re always looking out, and.

[00:10:08] It’s competitive and it’s hustle and it’s fast paced, and the energy of marketing a business online, trying to grow a business online, you get sucked into that vortex of hurry, fast, more, quicker, better, whatever that you. Spend so much time pushing, doing, I don’t know if the comparison would be good, but outbound versus inbound and just really saying, wait a second.

[00:10:34] Am I congruent with what I’m actually doing? Am I showing up as my best self and my most authentic self, and the self I want to be known for and leave legacy for future generations to look at? and in return of that, the energy that I’m putting out, am I attracting the right audience? I know that at the beginning of a journey it’s very hard to have that conversation because it really is about revenue, about getting to revenue, and so you end up helping clients that you don’t wanna help and taking on jobs that you’re not really interested in or discounting your product to get it out to a bigger market.

[00:11:12] So I imagine there isn’t a lot of self-talk at that point. It’s feast or famine. But, How do we get to that place where you’re no longer compromising, who you are at your core just to get the business off the ground? how do people balance that?

[00:11:35] Shelley: A big question. Audra,

[00:11:38] Audra: that’s a hard one, right?[00:11:40] we’ve all been there

[00:11:43] Shelley: and I do struggle myself because. I’m all about connection and community, but at the same time, I’m obviously wanting to get clients myself. So yeah,it’s looking at strategies that, that suit you, For me, sales feels icky.

[00:11:59] Like I just don’t enjoy it. And even in my PR life, I would do media relations a lot, and on those media relations day, I’d always be like, oh gosh, it’s just never the fun, but I hate sellings. so it’s like, how do I do this? and for me, like I’ve just launched my own podcast called Reconnect.

[00:12:21] Okay. And it’s a chance for me, it’s a reason for me to connect in with some of the amazing people that I’ve touched along my path, and invite them into a conversation about the incredible people who have helped their journeys. okay. it feels like a nice way for me to be communicating.

[00:12:43] So some of those kind of stretch contacts that I perhaps haven’t spoken to in a long time, in a way that doesn’t feel like selling and isn’t selling, and it’s okay, as a, as one person, I only have so much capacity. Like I, I can’t actually take on many clients because it’s quite in depth work. So just speaking to people and, maybe they want to tell their friends about it feels like a much nicer way for me to do business than

[00:13:15] Audra: just mass hawk, Hawking your wears.

[00:13:18] Shelley: Yeah. Doing all the [00:13:20] things. So it’s about finding what really works for your business.

[00:13:24] Audra: Okay.

[00:13:25] Shelley: Yeah, I would agree. Almost feels good for you. Like some of the coaches that I speak to, they’re like, you just need to push through that pain in the selling thing. And it’s but if it just feels wrong, I dunno.

[00:13:36] I’d just

[00:13:37] Audra: rather find a different way. Yeah, some, I think there’s a balance there, right? It can still feel uncomfortable because doing new things often is uncomfortable. But if you are at a place where. The path. It’s finding, like you said, the path of lease resistance that I can sell into that I’m congruent with.

[00:13:59] But then it’s also if you don’t find a path, then incorporating other ideas or other opportunities or somebody else being that voice. the important thing to take away from what we’ve shared so far is if you’re struggling with that audience, we’re finding that target audience, getting your messaging right.

[00:14:19] Sometimes it’s not just about copywriting or targeting, 35 to 45 year old females in Alabama, sometimes it’s you and how you’re, if you’re uncertain, your client’s gonna feel uncertain and your customer’s gonna feel uncertain and not have the faith or the interest that you can solve whatever issue they’ve got.

[00:14:40] So it’s gotta start with you at your core. And it’s not just, I have a good product or I have a good service. It’s not that it goes past that you’ve gotta be able to stand up as a human. And be able to say, look, I can provide this service, or my program can get you this kind of result, and this is how I can [00:15:00] do it.

[00:15:00] And I’m confident enough to stand behind it. and Shelley said, it doesn’t have to feel I. Salesy or incongruent, or you’re just throwing up all your stuff and begging for sales. It doesn’t have to feel that way. When you approach it from the mindset of adding value to somebody’s life or solving a problem that they have, it’s not about sales.

[00:15:23] Alls you’re doing is providing the solution. If it works for them, great. If it doesn’t, then you keep moving until you find somebody that it does, but it’s gotta start with you. Yeah, go ahead, please. and relationships.

[00:15:35] Shelley: Yeah, absolutely. so it’s not about connecting in with these people and giving the sales pitch.

[00:15:41] It’s about connecting in with these people with authenticity because they are on your mind and they’re someone who has made an impact before. Otherwise they wouldn’t even come back to your mind. So if we are reaching out to people from a heart centered place, And we are literally like, I would love to have a coffee with you because we haven’t caught up in ages, and I’d really love to hear what’s new in your life.

[00:16:06] as part of that coffee, of course you’re gonna be mentioning what it is that you are doing in business these days, because that’s part of your life. Normal. Yeah. so it’s about reframing it and not selling, but inviting. Inviting into. A piece of your life and that’s good. And I think remembering how finite time is and that invitation is really generous because you are offering 30 minutes, 60 minutes of your day.[00:16:40]

[00:16:40] To that person because you really respect and you know you wanna connect. So really just reframing that and in all the work that I do with my clients, it’s like in all of this outreach, do so from a place of no expectation, whoever is meant to come back to you right now. They will. And if not now, then, maybe even a year from now when certain things do occur in your business and maybe you are shouting about things, that’s when they might go, ah, they messaged me a year or so ago.

[00:17:15] And they’ll dig back to that and they’ll be like, Hey, I’m so sorry I missed this. I would absolutely love a coffee if it’s not too late. and just see how that trickles back and comes back as time progresses.

[00:17:26] Audra: That’s good. That’s really good. The inconsistency of trying to find and balance all this kind of stuff is pretty challenging.

[00:17:37] Is there a, Process that you would recommend that people to get started. So we talked about them taking a break and doing some journaling for a couple weeks and then coming back, and so they come back, they’re like, okay, I’m ready to dig back into this. Yes. How did they balance that kind of getting started?

[00:17:56] Okay,

[00:17:56] Shelley: so commit. Commit to doing this. So carve out again like two weeks. Okay. And for two hours every day, you’re gonna start with your self-care. Get yourself in a really good frame of mind. Maybe you’ve already done a bit of thought about who those people are, so you’ve got a whole page mind map about the certain people that you want to connect in with.

[00:18:19] [00:18:20] Maybe you’ve already done a little bit of research to see what they’ve been up to recently, and then you’re in a beautiful frame of mind. You’ve done whatever it is, your yoga, your meditation. You’ve been for a quick run. You get to your desk and you are ready to do your outreach.

[00:18:38] Audra: but you have

[00:18:38] Shelley: a dedicated amount of time.

[00:18:40] Every day for a week, we do our outreach and maybe that’ll only be four a day, five a day, six a day, and then just see what happens. See what naturally occurs, and you’ll be amazed. To see who does come back. And again, like if you think about the statistics of sales

[00:19:05] in your personal outreach, imagine that maybe 20% of the people will actually respond to a direct message.

[00:19:13] Imagine that, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the

[00:19:17] Audra: response. I’m gonna try this. I have quite a few connections, especially on LinkedIn. my Facebook page is pretty, engaged, so we have a lot of good conversations happening there, so I don’t feel so distanced from that.

[00:19:32] But I do a LinkedIn, I’m gonna try that for a week and just see what shows up. It’s such a different fresh perspective to think out of it as I’m going out to connect. And I’m gonna commit to two hours a day or a do hour a day for two weeks. and whatever organically happens.

[00:19:53] I, we, as you’re talking about that, I almost just feel a little bit lighter. wow, that pressure of, I gotta word it [00:20:00] perfectly and what if I say the wrong thing and I don’t wanna come across spammy. And so many people put crap out on LinkedIn specifically. so you’re always having that inner dialogue of exhaustion,

[00:20:13] Shelley: And it’s cause the is so busy because we’ve got so many contacts. Yeah. And the majority of people on there, you might have worked with them 15 years ago, but realistically they’re not your. You’re not the soul connections, they’re not necessarily gonna be going into the future with you. so we really do need to get out of the habit of going to our feed and we need to go to people directly because the chances are that the people you actually are really interested in won’t come up on your feed anyway.

[00:20:46] Audra: That’s a great point.

[00:20:47] Shelley: Loads of content. doesn’t make it like, I know last year I deleted my Facebook account and I started afresh and with new eyes, it was really interesting. I’ve been on Facebook since the very beginning and I was like, I don’t need all of that stuff on there.

[00:21:01] Yeah. About me. Thank you. So start fresh content. Yeah. but then the first few things I put out there, And I connected him with the majority of people that I had been connected with. but it clearly didn’t show up on their feeds. Oh,

[00:21:16] Audra: interesting. So

[00:21:17] Shelley: my is it, what do they call it? Social, not social impact?

[00:21:22] yeah, I hadn’t built up the reputation on Facebook Oh. For them to bother sharing with people yet, cuz I was new. not everything does. And you might be missing a lot. So starting to think about who, and I’ve got, like I’ve got a wheel in front of me here [00:21:40] with all the people that I wanna be connecting in with.

[00:21:42] And some of them are, every week, month, and then I go to quarter and year. So they’re visible to me. So I’m like, oh yeah, I haven’t connected in with these people for this long. So I, I want to, I wanna see what they’re up to, whether social media is telling

[00:21:59] Audra: me. Nice. What was the gentleman that wrote the networking book?

[00:22:04] never Eat Alone. I think it was called, Ooh, I haven’t read that one. I think it’s called Never Eat Alone. I’ll look at the, after we finish the podcast, I’ll take a look and make sure that I put the right, I wanna say the guy’s name was Kevin something, but. he wrote a couple books and it was talking about networking.

[00:22:23] Super, super good book. This was probably six or seven years ago. just a master connector and networker, but quality, just super, super great quality. And he would do the same thing. So he would meet somebody at a meeting, he would take their business card, and then he would set up a profile for them. Is this somebody I need to connect with in a week?

[00:22:45] In a month, quarterly, and he would schedule them out based on. Can I help them now or is it somebody I can help in the future? Or maybe they’re somebody that can help me down the road, kind of concepts. And he was able to build this ridiculous network of really quality people. he wasn’t collecting people.

[00:23:05] He, he was actually building relationships with them and showing how to go deep on how to, how it actually is supposed to work. very good book. But I guess to take it back to what we’ve been talking about, if [00:23:20] you’re not aware of who you are and how you’re trying to show up, going out and building these networks is gonna be very fragmented.

[00:23:27] once you get past your friends or your, quasi work friend type people, oh yeah, we run into each other at networking events or whatever, but the relationships stay very superficial. And there’s not any depth to it. Which means in term there’s not gonna be any business from it.

[00:23:45] Unless somebody has to have your product, because it’s the only one that’s available like that with building these shallow relationships aren’t gonna get you anywhere. So you are, like you said, better to back up and dig in. Go ahead.

[00:23:59] Shelley: So research that I’ve, so I’m currently doing my masters, I’m just coming to the end of it and Nice.

[00:24:04] I came across this, really good piece of research by a guy called Aaron Arthur. And it was called, I think it’s called 30 31 questions. Please correct me if I’m wrong. Okay. and it’s all about deepening relationships.

[00:24:18] Audra: Oh,

[00:24:18] Shelley: nice. And he wrote this back in the nineties and he said even during the pandemic, he and his wife were using these questions with friends during Zoom.

[00:24:27] And the idea is that to deepen relationships, we need both regularity and we need reciprocal vulnerability.

[00:24:38] Audra: Oh, interesting. Okay.

[00:24:41] Shelley: And I’ve definitely felt this before, reading that. I’ve definitely felt this in my own life, like moving to a new country, meeting new people, and. Like one person that I became friends with, it felt like she was probing a lot.

[00:24:54] And I was, I’m an open book. I’m really happy to share things about myself, but then in response I [00:25:00] would be asking questions and it was very closed. and I’ve spoken to a few people about this and I know some people are more closed than they, they don’t open themselves up enough, but it just really started to feel quite one-sided.

[00:25:15] and a little bit uncomfortable. Like she knows everything about me and I really know very little. So according to Aaron Arthur’s research, we need that reciprocal vulnerability to really deepen that relationship. and he’s developed these 31 questions, and you go through, you have 15 minute timer.

[00:25:35] You go through the first lot of questions and you ask each other the same question, and they’re very open questions. And the kind of questions that you’ll always elicit a different response based on how you’re feeling that day. I have tried this. I’ve tried the 31 questions with, a new friend.

[00:25:53] Okay. And it did feel a bit too, Oh, what’s the word? Unknown. Forced. It didn’t, it did feel a little bit forced. Yeah. So it’s not something that I’m gonna be using. But actually another friend of mine has developed another kind of game to develop relationships. So I’m gonna be working with her and bringing some of that into my program.

[00:26:14] Nice. But yeah, essentially the idea of that reciprocal vulnerability and each time you connect, be willing to peel back. A layer of your onion, because only then are you going to gain trust. And only then are they gonna feel comfortable to peel back a layer of their onion and then just see what naturally evolves.

[00:26:39] But [00:26:40] the regularity piece is really important as well. And that doesn’t mean every week or every month. Sure. even if it’s an annual or twice a year. Connect, touch point. It really makes a huge difference in how that relationship continues and evolves.

[00:26:59] Audra: Okay, so I’m gonna throw a wrench in it.

[00:27:01] So all of that is great and I think everybody should take the time to try it. What if they’re an introvert? I. Then what do you suggest? Because we don’t, sometimes we don’t like people. When I came back, I just took a trip and I was gone for five days. When I came back, I needed to not people for a couple days.

[00:27:19] I was spent, besides traveling, it takes it, but I was at my max for peopling and I just, I needed some time to be alone.

[00:27:30] Shelley: I heard something recently about introverts. There’s something called the French Exit. Have you heard of this? No. Apparently this is a thing. So when introverts are invited to a party Some of them will go, they’ll show their face, and then without saying goodbye to anyone, they just do a and leave exit. So they show their face, which people really appreciate the fact that you’ve turned up and no one really knows when you left anyway, because everyone’s busy talking to other people.

[00:28:01] So it’s about having presence without necessarily needing to be there for the whole party.

[00:28:08] Audra: That’s good. I’ve done that many times. do you know why? Because the extroverts are so busy talking about themselves that they don’t even notice that you’re gone.[00:28:20]

[00:28:21] That’s typically what happens.

[00:28:22] Shelley: Would you consider yourself an

[00:28:23] Audra: introvert? I would say I’m a. If I picked between the two, I’m an introvert first. Like I don’t need to be the center of attention when I walk in a room. I don’t care if anybody notices I’m there. but I have no problem carrying on. It just depends on the situation.

[00:28:41] If I’m teaching a class, I am the one leading it and you would never. Know anything different, so it’s, whatever the situation calls for. But if I choose my path, I’m a hundred percent Okay. By myself. Yes.

[00:28:57] Shelley: Yeah. And I think we are all, we’re all both, it just, yeah. Depends on

[00:29:02] Audra: the situation. One stronger the other.

[00:29:04] there’s some people that you’ll go to an event. I’ll give you a quick example. I won’t name or name, but we were, I was at a networking event and I don’t do too many networking events anymore these days, but I was at a networking event. There was probably 200 people there. And, there’s somebody up at a podium talking to the group about what was going on and things that were coming and going and stuff like that.

[00:29:27] Everybody was quiet listening to the speaker. This lady that thinks that she’s more important than she actually is, walks into the room and completely interrupts and says, okay, I’m here. I know you guys have all been waiting for me and completely broke up the meeting. Goes to the front of the podium, takes over

[00:29:49] Starts telling everybody why she’s late. And then the, presenter had to try to go back to recollect the room because she had caused so much chaos. Wow. [00:30:00] I’m not that kind of, those kind of people. I just don’t get it. Wow. That’s bold. Yeah, I’m not sure what kind of insecurities or narcissism or, I don’t know, sense of entitlement goes along with that kind of personality.

[00:30:16] But back to the whole point of it, there are people that are like that, at certain events. They need to be noticed, they need to be given recognition. And I just, I. So on the other side of that spectrum,

[00:30:32] Shelley: I only heard about this French exit last week, and for me, I’ve got two young children, so the chances, excuse going out, I quite slim.

[00:30:42] So when I do go out, I’m like, no, I actually want to stay out because I don’t very much.

[00:30:48] Audra: Yeah. All right. so let’s step back into it. We’ve. talked about going inside, doing some work, trying to refocus who we wanna show up as the business owner. I think an important takeaway here is you’re not blowing up your life.

[00:31:04] You’re not getting off your path. We’re not suggesting that you do a quick pivot. What we’re saying is take some time to incorporate in your day-to-day, to add a little bit of self-care and a little bit of value, and a little bit of intro respect to say, am I leading the path that I want to? Am I showing up like I want to?

[00:31:24] Am I putting out the right energy? Because it all trickles forward to, am I attracting enough people or the right audience, or how do I increase my sales? It really does start with you and I don’t care what system you have or what [00:31:40] process or what your coach tells you to do or what course you’ve bought, it really is going to come back to you.

[00:31:46] Cuz remember, we do business with people we know, and trust. Especially here at the beginning. We are building a brand. You are gonna buy from me because you trust me that I can help you, period, without me being the face. and in all transparency, I have tried to stay out of the, spotlight, but I recognize that at this point, unless you’re a service provider, meaning you’re the person behind the scenes, You have to be the front face of the company, which means you have to be congruent with who you are and show up like you wanna serve as an agency owner since 2009, I was a hundred percent okay, being second in command.

[00:32:28] I didn’t need a brand. I told the guy that was in charge what to do, and then he went out and did it. And again, people bought from him even though we were the people supporting the back end of that successful business. That is a great way for it to work. But you being the owner of your business, you’re going to have to step out there.

[00:32:49] Uncomfortable or not, or you’re gonna have to find somebody to do it that can represent you, which I don’t suggest at the beginning. Down the road, yes, but not at the beginning. Or go back to work for somebody. And I mean that with as much love as I can possibly put behind it.

[00:33:05] But it’s gonna take that today. Somebody’s gotta find you offering a solution, the right energy, the right authenticity, the right purpose of what those people need. Buyers are savvy today. It’s not the same that it [00:33:20] was even five years ago. So you’ve gotta figure out where you stand in your market and how you’re gonna show up, right?

[00:33:29] I know it’s a lot. Yeah.

[00:33:31] Shelley: Can I, can I give a metaphor Please? Please. Okay. So you know who you are,

[00:33:40] Audra: you know where your

[00:33:40] Shelley: business is, okay? So you are the hub, you are the driver of a minibus, And you are taking your business to market. Okay? And on the bus are, you can get about 12 to 15 people on board, and these are gonna be your ambassadors.

[00:34:01] They’re your allies. So it is time to really reflect who is on your bus today. And are they the people that are gonna help you on this chapter of your journey. and maybe some of them, they are people that are gonna be with you for the whole ride. And there’s other people that are gonna sit middle to back and maybe they’ll be there every so often, but is there space for other people to come on board who can be your ambassadors right now?

[00:34:33] Because that’s it. If you are investing time in these people, they are in turn gonna be investing time in you and helping you being your sounding board. And not only that, but sharing, sharing your content with their connections. So it’s all about investing in yourself, but investing in the right people to be on the journey.

[00:34:56] On

[00:34:56] Audra: the journey with you. That’s [00:35:00] very good. That’s a great way to put it. Again, cuz we don’t focus on what’s right here. We focus on what’s out there. So I think that’s very valuable for people to sit with and say, how does that apply to me? And who do I have on the bus supporting me or not supporting me?

[00:35:19] Maybe there’s a bunch of people on there that are just taking and aren’t supporting you or your cause at all. And that’s definitely something you need to look at because back to what you said at the very beginning, it’s all about time, right? And if you’re giving up your time to somebody else that isn’t, sharing back, any kind of reciprocity for what you’re giving, not that we’re giving to get, but there still has to be some kind of balance there.

[00:35:47] And without that, it’s very tough to grow, right? And you do just end up having people take from you without anything in return is very challenging way to try to grow a business or grow as a human. And

[00:36:02] Shelley: I think another thing on that is these people can be digital contacts or they can be in-person contacts.

[00:36:09] Okay. And I think there does need to be a balance. Like personally right now, mine are definitely more weighted in digital than in-person is getting close, closer to 40, 60. okay. But we do need that. We do need that balance. I think a lot of my, a lot of my connections who are online, the majority of the people that they are closest to don’t live anywhere near

[00:36:39] Audra: them.[00:36:40]

[00:36:40] Ah, interesting.

[00:36:43] Shelley: and that’s okay. Like we can develop with technology what it is, we can develop really rich relationships with people through, through technology, but we do need the in-person piece

[00:36:55] Audra: as well. Okay, good. So as we start to wrap this up, what would be some advice you would give

[00:37:05] I’ve done some reflection. I’ve got a clear idea where I wanna go. I’m starting to do my outreach every week, but I’m not getting any results from my efforts. What would you say?

[00:37:16] Shelley: So one thing when you do start having these kind of coffee chats with people is to spend a little bit of time, even just 10 minutes reflecting afterwards, how do you feel?

[00:37:29] Okay. Do you feel better than before you jumped on that call? Is your energy, how is your energy levels? And that’s gonna dictate when the next time is that you want to reconnect with them. Okay? so spending time in reflection aft after any interactions that you have had. And I dare say if you are doing the outreach that we spoke to before, you will get results.

[00:37:51] You will be connecting in with more people than you were before. Okay. putting yourself out there. So social media has a lot to answer for cuz we are all so distracted with it and it’s often when we are wanting connection, we go and look on social media and then we get distracted by whatever is there and then we forget that we want a connection anyway.

[00:38:16] It’s only in real live [00:38:20] interactions that we have, those realizations, those aha moments, or that we see the clues that are meant to be guiding us into the next step of our journey. So we need live interaction, and whether that’s in person or online. the same is true. You can have those aha moments.

[00:38:43] I’ve, I’ve had some speaking with you today. but we don’t get that when we are passively scrolling on social media. So ditch social media, ditch the passive time you are spending on social media. Use it as a valuable tool. To research people who are important. And if if those people aren’t coming to mind, then by all means go on to social media to start to remember who those people are.

[00:39:09] But maybe just, go onto LinkedIn and look at your connections. You don’t need to look at your feed. Just look at your list of connections and you’ll go, ah, remember where you, and spend time if you see someone that really, makes you light up. Tap in with that. Yeah. Spend time. Close your eyes.

[00:39:28] Tap in with where did you work with them? How do you know them? How did it feel when you connected with them? was there a heart connection? And we know when we connected, for sure. When we connect with someone, it’s I dunno for you, but for me it’s instant. I know as soon as I meet someone, whether it’s online or in person, if they’re my kind of people, if we are gonna be willing to peel back a layer of the onion.

[00:39:57] but we forget about those people cuz there’s so many. [00:40:00] So we need to just remember and reconnect. That’s beautiful.

[00:40:06] Audra: that’s awesome. I’m gonna try this. I’m gonna report back to you. I’ll keep notes and document. I would love that, how the experiment goes, but I’m definitely gonna do that. I know that there’s so many people, as you were just saying that I went to my feed and thought about some of the people and I do occasionally go in there and say, oh, you.

[00:40:24] Talk to him and ages. I wonder what he’s up to these days. And we’ll get in and we’ll do a quick catch up and then move on. but I really like the audio or a quick video. I. To start responding to people. So I think I’m gonna try that cuz nobody’s doing it and not just because it’s unique, but that’s more, something I’m congruent with.

[00:40:44] So I’m gonna try it, I’ll let you know how it goes. And

[00:40:48] Shelley: there aren’t enough instigators and there’s not, everyone’s quite. Welcome. And when I’ve arranged gatherings, with different groups, at the end I get so many messages of thank you because everyone wants to be there, but it’s just someone making the moves to make it happen.

[00:41:07] So be the instigator that you wish someone else was.

[00:41:11] Audra: That’s great. Great. All right, we’ll wrap up with that. Thank you so much, Shelley, for being here. I’ve really enjoyed this. Thank you. Lots of valuable, nuggets.

[00:41:19] Amazing. Nice to see you. You as well. Thank you. Until next time you guys, this is another episode of The Mess in the Middle, so keep moving. We’ll see you soon.


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