Vicki Landers The episode delves deeper into how Vicki reimagined her professional life by moving out of her comfort zone, challenging traditional
In this episode, they delve into the topic of approval addiction and its profound impact on personal and entrepreneurial growth. Discover the hidden challenges of seeking approval, gain insights on overcoming this obstacle, and learn how to pave your own path towards success. Tune in for an inspiring and transformative episode that will empower you to break free from the approval trap and embrace your true potential.
Chris Felton is an Amazon bestselling author, 7-figure entrepreneur and owns a financial services firm which he started in 1999.
Chris leads and trains 200 agents across the US as they have helped over 17,000 clients, and he’s achieved Top 1% status in a company of 60,000+ agents.
He’s been featured in US News & World Report, Market Watch, Yahoo Finance, and Nasdaq to name a few.
As an international speaker and bestselling author, Chris is committed to sharing his story and lessons learned from being on the brink of financial ruin and divorce to building one of the most successful financial services firms in the country.
He speaks on stages to audiences of over 20,000 and appears on top podcasts, such as the Ed Mylett show, reaching millions of listeners around the world.
*What follows is an AI-generated transcript may not be 100% accurate.
[00:00:37] Audra: all right. Welcome to another episode of The Mess in the Middle. Today my special guest is Chris. Now, Chris is going to go into some special things about not only his past, but what he’s working on today, and I think you’re gonna get a lot of value out of some of the ideas and concepts that we’ve briefly talked about.
[00:00:58] So grab a coffee or a wine depending on what time of day you’re listening to this, and let’s dig in. So Chris, welcome to the show. Thank you for being
[00:01:07] Chris: here. Yeah, Audra, thanks for having me. Excited to do this with you. Of course.
[00:01:10] Audra: Yeah. So let’s take a few minutes. I want you to talk a little bit about where you’re at right now.
[00:01:17] Just like where are you in your journey and how are you showing up in the universe?
[00:01:21] Chris: 51 financial services entrepreneur based in Denver, Colorado. And so Okay. have built a business the last, 24 years, helping people have a better relationship with money. okay. We have about 17 offices open, 200 agents.
[00:01:36] We’ve helped about close to 20,000 people. [00:01:40] Beautiful.
[00:01:40] Audra: That’s
[00:01:40] Chris: awesome.
[00:01:41] Audra: Yeah. Yeah. that’s so you know who my audience is. yeah, for sure. You probably serve them daily. Yeah,
[00:01:46] Chris: absolutely. love entrepreneurs.
[00:01:49] Audra: So one of the things that Chris has not told you yet is he’s recently published a book and or I don’t know how recent it was, but I know you’re out promoting the book right now and sharing the value that’s in it.
[00:02:00] There’s a couple topics in there that we’ve pre discussed that we want to. share with you guys because we know that the value of what they can bring, especially if you’re stuck right now in the middle on one of these two topics, that this conversation can definitely help. So I’ll let Chris step in now and kinda share a little bit about that.
[00:02:19] in my book I got, just different concepts of how I got stuck and,we as humans get stuck and it’s okay to get stuck. It’s just not okay to stay there. Perfect. And and one of the, one of the areas that I didn’t realize I had a problem with was approval addiction.
[00:02:38] I don’t know if you’ve ever heard that term before.
[00:02:41] I don’t think I have. I try to think back cuz I do have a degree in psychology, but nothing, I, of course, just based on the words, I know what it means. I’m addicted to getting approval from others, but I’ll be interested to hear how you explain
[00:02:54] Chris: it.
[00:02:55] Yeah. how our beliefs are generated, when we’re children. and the two topics we’re gonna talk about today, that’s where it’s really grounded. Okay. but,to get what we want, we have to get the approval of our parents, of our teachers, coaches.
[00:03:11] And, we get rewarded for, we do good. We get their approval, we get the car, we get the money, we get the trophies, [00:03:20] we get whatever. and approval, addiction works, until you choose a path that’s not with the herd and Oh, interesting. okay. So if you wanna be an athlete, an artist, An entrepreneur, anything that kind of goes against the grain, then what happens is the people in your life and the name of love, so to speak, something like that.
[00:03:47] Yeah. Yeah. they want to, they wanna rescue you. And it’s the old analogy everyone’s heard of, the lobster that’s crawling out of the bucket. and the masses wanna pull you back. and one, one of my mentors that, actually helped me write my book, he interviewed, 25,000 entrepreneurs, salespeople, direct sales, that had all started a business and ended up quitting and Wow.
[00:04:08] And he asked, yeah, 25,000 people and he asked him, do you have an addiction to the approval of other people? And interesting. And less than 0.1% said they did. But we’re all approval addicts at some level, right? We all want to get, we all want to get affirmed by people, right? Sure. We want to be told that we’re doing a good job or what we do is valuable or, our lives don’t work unless we have.
[00:04:40] Great relationships, so we, we want affirmation. We need affirmation. it’s preferred, but when we cross the line of it going from a preference to a need, that’s when we get into danger. Okay. So
[00:04:54] Audra: let me unpack a little bit of that. out of the percentage, why do you think so many people are [00:05:00] not aware of it?
[00:05:01] Chris: I have no idea. I don’t, they just don’t know. it’s a subconscious thing. it’s a, it’s it’s kinda like asking a fish, what’s water? A fish is I don’t know what water is. you just don’t know. And what his studies showed.
[00:05:15] Was, they would do brain scans of people that were, one brain scan was someone that had a heroin addiction, and the other scan was the scan of someone that was in full-blown approval addiction mode, and the brain scans look identical.
[00:05:31] Audra: Wow. â€¦So it must have something to do with dopamine or Absolutely.
[00:05:35] Some kind of Okay. Kick in from that. Okay. So we’re, it just unconsciously evolves with US generation after generation. Now, how does it become a problem?
[00:05:48] Chris: Yeah, so my personal story is, I never really got dad’s approval. Okay. Okay. and a lot of people don’t get approval of their parents and.
[00:05:58] And when, we as humans develop this at some point less than not good enough. Not this, not that. I talk a lot about, the beating ourselves up if we have time. how to really shift that. my whole thing was,I have this less than thought, this less than mentality.
[00:06:18] and it, it served me in high school, in athletics. I was an average athlete, but I busted my tail to work really hard to create success, which was good. I always say things serve you until they don’t serve you. and there’s a slippery slope there. And I was, [00:06:40] Addicted to getting approval of other people.
[00:06:43] And when I, left my safe corporate career behind as a C P A. And I started launching into my financial services entrepreneurial business, and my friends and my loved ones, and they’re like, that’s stupid. You’re dumb. What you’re doing is dumb. You’re ruining your life. You’re this, you’re that.
[00:07:05] I was not getting their approval and it was painful. I bet. and it hurts. and what happens is, That can take you out of the game if you really don’t know what it is you want and why you want it. And most entrepreneurs, they’re just busy. They don’t know really what they want and why they want it.
[00:07:27] They don’t really have the clarity of aim that is necessary so that when you’re in that moment of criticism, Or, whatever it is, approval, addiction. if you don’t have a way to shift your mind to focusing on what you want, it can totally take you out of the game. So I took it and I was like, I’m gonna prove ’em wrong.
[00:07:51] I’m gonna prove people wrong. And as painful as it was, that became, The juice because most people’sentrepreneurial vehicle they’re in, I like to think it’s a Ferrari, but if there’s no gas in the tank of the Ferrari, it’s not going anywhere.
[00:08:06] Sure. And so if you don’t have the juice and your reasons and when you’re getting attacked, it didn’t work. The other thing I did, Is, and this served me very well because it [00:08:20] was very unpopular what I was doing, going against the grain. And I felt like probably most your listeners, like everyone’s against you, the world’s against you.
[00:08:28] Ugh. I made the connection that if you weren’t ultimately where I wanted to be, if you weren’t living the life that I wanted To have, I just didn’t listen to you. Oh, interesting. Okay. Yeah. If you weren’t living the results that I wanted to live, then why am I listening to you? Because everyone’s got an opinion and they’ll say the most ridiculous things.
[00:08:56] And so if you can take it in, but you don’t, you can listen to it, but you don’t need to take it in. Yeah, and people aren’t usually burned out from their business. They’re usually drained out. By the drainers in their life. It’s usually not to
[00:09:11] Audra: work. Go ahead. Yeah, I was gonna say I had experience like that my first couple of businesses.
[00:09:18] and what I had to get to was a place where it wasn’t about what they thought about it or didn’t find out about it. I had to look at like, why are they coming at me with that kind of information? And what I disseminated from that is that’s their fears. That’s their self doubt, that’s their inability to take risks or have courage to be an entrepreneur.
[00:09:44] And once I was able to recognize, look, they’re just, they’re doing the best they can with what they got, and they’re just loving me. But that’s not the best influence for me because we’re not the same. I am more of a risk taker. I do have more confidence in [00:10:00] myself. If I put the work in. I know I’m going to achieve what I set my heart to, but others, that I know are people that want jobs, that need that security and that safety net and that, they don’t have to make decisions like that.
[00:10:14] And once I separated that, Then it was easy then I’m more than happy to take it. But their input only goes so far. Yeah. And then I say, okay, this doesn’t serve me like you just said, and I appreciate your concern, but I still am gonna go do what I’m gonna do. Yeah.
[00:10:32] Chris: Yeah. that’s huge.
[00:10:33] Most people don’t do that.
[00:10:36] Audra: like they, it took a minute, don’t get me wrong.
[00:10:39] Chris: Anyway, but so that,had a double-edged sword to it because I wanted to prove to others that I was successful. So what it caused me to do was to have the home in the car that I couldn’t afford, that I needed to pick up the bar tab and I didn’t realize how approval addiction was
[00:11:04] ruining me financially. didn’t help with my first marriage. It didn’t last very long, because she was all about appearances and I bought into it. and I was, divorced and in $250,000 a credit card debt because of that. And, I signed an office lease that was too big. Because I wanted to look like I had a big office, 6,000 square feet, and it, so it was in the great recession and I’m, bleeding.
[00:11:32] Three, 4,000. Imagine three, three, 4,000 negative cash flow every month. I had a mortgage, I had the office lease, and I was paying my [00:11:40] ex-wife $5,200 a month in alma and child support. so this approval addiction is real, is no joke. it’s no joke. And then my second current and last wife, if she’s listening, Marlo.
[00:11:52] she walked into a disaster. and we wrote a book 12 years ago called Couples Money that was talks about how we unraveled the disaster and, nice and thrived. but I didn’t know that I was having these challenges, but I had a coach that was like, based on results. How’s your way working?
[00:12:13] It’s one of the best questions of what’s called objective reality, which is the, yeah. Wait, say
[00:12:18] Audra: that again. I wanna hear it again. Based
[00:12:20] Chris: on results. How’s your way working?
[00:12:22] Audra: Yeah. That’s beautiful. Yeah. You guys listen to that and let it resonate for a second. I just wanna interrupt with just one second.
[00:12:30] Sure. Because that’s so powerful. We become entrepreneurs cuz we wanna be our own boss. But what we have to remember is, If you were in a job and you were the top, say you were the VP of whatever your industry is, and you make a move to come over from being at the top to being an entrepreneur, you’re actually starting down here.
[00:12:51] Not in expertise, but in how to run a business. You have got to be open-minded enough and humble enough, and okay enough in your own skin. To learn from other people’s mistakes. The entrepreneur path has been laid for hundreds of years, probably by now, hundreds of thousands of millions of businesses.
[00:13:13] It’s all there for us. So slow down long enough. Check your ego cuz this isn’t about ego. And [00:13:20] learn how to take advice from others that have gone this path. If you are struggling, you gotta stop. Am I struggling with. approval. am I chasing the wrong things? Am I looking for people that are just there to give me some kind of dopamine hit, but don’t actually turn into transactions?
[00:13:38] Look at all of that and assess where you’re at. The sooner you can get in and assess the situation sooner, you can make changes if you just stay oblivious to it. You we’re gonna have this conversation if you’re fortunate enough to last next year, cuz you haven’t worked through your stuff. So business is no different.
[00:13:57] So dig in and get started doing this work. If this is an issue for you, which clearly, you know, based on that gentleman’s study of 25,000 people, it’s bigger than we think it is. So just be open to the idea is all I’m saying. Yeah.
[00:14:12] Chris: Matt, yeah, no, it’s massive. the number one skill of a world class performer is what’s called objective reality, and it’s the capacity to look at your results and own your results.
[00:14:23] Without taking yourself down emotionally. Good. that’s it. That’s good. And and our number one thing that we have to do as people and as entrepreneurs is not be delusional. And one of my favorite quotes is optimism and delusion. Sleep in the same bed together. So all this is going on Audra.
[00:14:43] it’s a financial crap show. And I’m like, how are you Chris? It’s awesome. Things are great. This is such a, delusion all. Yeah. And then I worked with a world class coach for four and a half years. It just put a mirror in front of me and he’s oh dude, it’s not good.
[00:14:58] You gotta own [00:15:00] it. you created the mess. You put yourself here. but so I, I humbled down and we have to humble down because your Yeah. your ego’s not your amigo and It wants you to stay stuck right where you are. And so I knew I had to grow, I had to change, I had to develop, I did not yet know approval addiction was a challenge.
[00:15:19] So I, I was at a 10 day seminar, all guys, worst and best 10 days of my life. I bet. And the worst part was I wasn’t getting anyone’s approval. Oh, so yeah, hand of God moment. Hey, let’s put Chris in an environment for 10 days where nobody knows who he is. because I was leading some people, I had a little bit of success even though the financial stuff wasn’t happening.
[00:15:45] So I had a high opinion of myself, and I go to a place where nobody knows me and I’m not getting. The dopamine hits of everyone’s approval, and I don’t, and Audra, I don’t know what is going on, but I just don’t feel good. And we did a 48 hour like construction project, service project for this down and out elementary school in town.
[00:16:13] And we used to work 48 hours straight, a hundred guys and did some huge things. And then at the end of it, we all lined up and we walked past each other and we looked each other in the eye and we just did this silent acknowledgement. It was really super cool and it was right there that I was like, oh my God.
[00:16:31] I never got dad’s approval, and I’ve been running around like a chicken with his head cut off, [00:16:40] like the Tasmanian devil trying to get everyone’s approval and Wow. And it just, it was ginormous. And so we, we got to sleep for a few hours, then we did a lineup. And this, world-class facilitator, it’s one of the greatest questions I ever asked in my life, comes up on my right shoulder.
[00:16:56] He said, what are you learning? I’m like, I have a tremendous need for the approval of other people. And he said, it’s exhausting to watch you run around here trying to get everyone’s approval. And then he asked me this question, Audra, who pays the price for that?
[00:17:15] Just you the Oh no. Ginormous price. My first marriage. Oh, I see what you’re saying. My kid, my kids who were little boy, two little boys in Atlanta, I’m in Colorado. I couldn’t see ’em cause I’m broke. my wife, my clients, my, because when you have an approval addiction need, You don’t wanna have tough conversations with people that need to have that need to have that, you need to have ’em with my agents.
[00:17:40] So you just tell people, Hey, you’re, everything’s good. You’re so good. It’s all good. sometimes you gotta, it’s a, he the bad guy. Yeah. You gotta know when to hug and know when to kick and anyway. And so I was like, oh, I’m, gee, it’s huge. Wow, it was transformational. I wish I had the numbers I could show people, but when I became aware of it.
[00:18:04] So what I wanna say about it is, we’re all approval addicts and we all want approval and it works until it doesn’t work. And it’s not about getting rid of it. You’ll never get rid of it. It’s just you have to [00:18:20] understand when it causes you to not. move forward when it co. so you gotta, everything I coach on is, okay, here’s the awareness of the pattern.
[00:18:30] That doesn’t work. When it starts going, I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole of self-sabotaging behavior, which approval addictions. All self sabotaging. Sure. I want to have a shift and then do something different. And it’s transformational and it still comes up for me, like even in. my book launch and all the stuff I’ve been having to do,I haven’t been getting everyone’s approval and my, oh my goodness, right?
[00:18:56] My approval addiction comes up, say, oh my God, they don’t like it. They don’t like you, they don’t like what and it’s just fun. Now, it’s, now it’s a little more funny to me cuz I don’t get sucked down that rabbit hole. I just say, okay, thanks for weighing in old friend, not today, shift.
[00:19:10] Because if I’m gonna make the biggest impact, I’m gonna have to put myself. In position where people don’t approve of me and, anyway, so we could probably talk hours on this topic cuz it is a big one and most people do not know that it’s an issue.
[00:19:27] Audra: You know what I like the, about what you just said is how, You’ve gotta go through that.
[00:19:33] And until you actually experience the downside of that, if you wouldn’t have had the financial issues or the divorce or the repercussion from that, that could have gone on for you for years. Oh. Without ever changing. So if you’re a small business owner and you’re struggling, sit down for a second and just assess where you’re at.
[00:19:55] Do you, fit into any of these traits that [00:20:00] could be slowing you down and tripping you up from getting to what’s next? anytime a problem creeps up in our business, first we have to recognize there’s a problem, and then we start working on solutions. that’s always gonna happen.
[00:20:13] That’s gotta become second skin for you as a business owner. If it’s financial, if it’s personal, if it’s your mindset, if it’s your staff, if it’s your products or your customer service, these things are gonna come up. they don’t ever go away. I don’t care if you have a million dollars or $10. These things happen.
[00:20:30] But the goal is to always be conscious of, is there something else going on here that I need to pay attention to? To work through a solution so it doesn’t get to a place where you have to hit the bottom for you to do change. it’s, it sucks you, you’ve got so many other moving pieces as well going on to add that to it.
[00:20:51] It’s like I was trying to find clients and I was trying to service them and launch a new product, but I’m stuck with this approval addiction and it shows up in the way I serve with my family, with my friends. My interaction on social media. when you were going through this, was social media a thing yet, or not yet?
[00:21:13] No. No. Okay.
[00:21:15] Chris: No. Uhuh no. but but you know how it wrecked my first marriage and especially if you’re a brand new entrepreneur, it was like, okay, I gotta make this business work. And it was kinda like, okay, I got the approval of my wife. And it was kinda like, okay, you, you wait there, hold on, I’ll be back.
[00:21:32] I got your approval, so that’s good. I need to go get everyone else’s approval, and once I have everyone else’s approval, then I’ll pay more [00:21:40] attention to you. but it’s very true. That wasn’t just, that’s not just me, right? it’s, often fed, never satisfied. it’s a bottomless pit. and people are hearing this maybe for the first time, but just.
[00:21:52] Take it in and just, watch, the action step is okay, this thing is real. what is causing me to hold back? cuz like I had some pain in the butt. Clients, Audra. Have you ever any pain in the butt? Clients? Never too many. Yeah. I had scarcity issues, had money issues.
[00:22:11] I know we’re gonna talk about that. but, I wasn’t upfront with them. I didn’t wanna lose them. I didn’t wanna get their disapproval. I didn’t want them to, tell people that I’m not this or that. it’s ginormous when you sit back and just chew on it. just ask yourself, you’re like, something’s holding me back.
[00:22:29] Cause we all hold ourselves back and is approval addiction holding me back. And the question for all humans that are living Yes. It is at
[00:22:40] Audra: some point it’s not right. So it’s not, is it or isn’t it? It’s how much it is exactly
[00:22:46] Chris: like how much, okay. Approval, addiction’s cool and it works for you until it doesn’t.
[00:22:51] And what I mean by that is we want to love people and care for people and have great relationships and be loved and cared and respected and appreciated. It’s just when it turns from a, I prefer that to happen, Audra versus I need that to happen. I prefer your approval, but I don’t need it.
[00:23:12] Audra: So let’s pivot a little bit so we know that we’ve got this approval addiction that’s going on. How big, how [00:23:20] much we need to manage it or redirect it is one thing. Where does it show up? So you mentioned financially, you mentioned in relationships and customers.
[00:23:28] Let’s go down the path of financially. I know if you’re going through this, messy middle finances typically plays a part in this either. Generating not enough revenue or trying to get to that next level. how does approval play into that situation?
[00:23:46] Chris: it, it, it totally ran me, right?
[00:23:48] So one is okay, just wanting to get everyone’s approval. That kind of told me it wasn’t gonna work, okay. I, it caused me to overspend to look more successful than I really was. it caused me to, also, and it wasn’t always big things with me, it was, I was losing the money game. Small dollars at a time.
[00:24:10] Especially as a business owner, I need to take my client out for lunch and I need to buy their lunch. Yeah, sure. you should do that. And oh, it’s a business expense. So I’m gonna spend a dollar to save 30 cents, right? And I had to take ’em to great restaurants to make it look like I was successful.
[00:24:33] And let’s have great, now my clients can care less. I’m like, let’s have a coffee. And they’re like, fine. they’d rather do that and get on about their day. overspending in your business, overspending in your office space, overspending with your car. and,medicating myself, for me, lots of cocktails, lots of happy hours, lots of, because I was broke, I was in fear, I was scared.
[00:24:56] So approval, addiction was creating, financial [00:25:00] horrific things. So I was awesome at medicating myself with lots of cocktails and whatever your drug of choice is. and that’s, that stuff’s not cheap. And so it’s huge. And then yeah. and then just, most people, unfortunately, Audra have a horrific relationship with money.
[00:25:19] I know a lot of entrepreneurs that are super smart, super successful, but they’re broke. I know a lot of broke entrepreneurs and and I was one of ’em. And it was because I had a bad relationship with money. And money’s a relationship whether you like it or not.
[00:25:37] Sure. And you know how functional it is based on what’s happening in your bank account and your balance sheet. So yeah. Objective reality was me, $250,000 in credit card debt, negative monthly cash flow, no savings. I had a bad relationship with money,
[00:25:56] Audra: So what do you say to the people that are listening to this and say, no, but what I do, I’m a real estate agent and if I showed up in a cheap car or not in a nice suit or not looking like I come from money, people are gonna believe I’m not successful and I’m not qualified to provide them this service for this 2 million home.
[00:26:21] there is some where there is a little bit of. I don’t know, game playing or role playing in some people’s businesses. What kind of advice would you give them?
[00:26:32] Chris: yeah, I’m not opposed to that if you see that’s an investment in your business. But what, and unfortunately I don’t know [00:26:40] very many successful financially successful realtors.
[00:26:45] Audra: I know. Okay.
[00:26:46] Chris: I know a few, but most of ’em are hand to mouth. and I’ve talked to a lot of groups. Yeah. and if you’re get, if you’re hearing this in your realtor and you’re like, he doesn’t know what he is talking about, that’s fine. I’m just telling you what my experience is. Sure.
[00:26:58] and a lot of people that are commission based don’t ha and I was one of ’em,I got it. I had a bad relationship with money. I was hand to mouth. And so it, it’s not necessarily the suit or the car or whatever. Usually they’re leaking and blowing money. Okay.
[00:27:15] Elsewhere. And they’re losing the money game. 5, 10, 15, 20 bucks at a time, and they’re eating out constantly. And,it’s a book. t Harv Ecker wrote a book called, secrets of a Millionaire Mind. One of my favorite, yeah. the best book on your subconscious beliefs around money.
[00:27:33] Yeah. And unfortunately, when we’re growing up, you got your psychology background. We aren’t programmed for financial success when we’re kids. And then mass consciousness is wealthy people or bad people. There’s a lot of that. Is there still? Oh yeah. Just wait for elections to come around.
[00:27:53] the we, and I’m not going political with it, but Yeah. oh, they don’t pay their taxes. whatever. they use tax planning and, So you just pay attention to the messaging. and it’s just there, there’s a lot that’s coming at us on a subconscious level that we don’t look at because of how we were raised.
[00:28:16] And this is actually, you and I were talking about Margaret Lynch. The biggest determining [00:28:20] factor of your financial success is the vows that you made to gain acceptance into your family at a young age. Interesting. Okay. And she, she wrote a book called Tapping Into Wealth. Another phenomenal mandatory read, whether you do the exercises or not.
[00:28:37] And so when I was at that moment, and this is just, we’re talking about money now. Yeah. Okay. So I couldn’t work any harder Audra. And I knew the how-tos, but there was something. Beneath the surface that I had to shore up and it was my money, beliefs and interesting. And I worked with. Yeah.
[00:28:59] And most entrepreneurs, not even most entrepreneurs, 96% of Americans retire broke. And it’s not because they don’t know what to do, they’re not doing it. And what they’re not doing is their belief system doesn’t line up with being financially successful. You know the numbers, 90% of lottery winners are dead broker in jail inside of 10 years.
[00:29:17] People like, they’re dumb. No, they’re not dumb. Wait, why in
[00:29:19] Audra: jail? I don’t know. Oh,
[00:29:22] Chris: that’s just the strategies. Yeah. 90% of lottery winners are dead broker in jail inside of 10 years. look at the athletes that get the a hundred million plus contracts and then they’re broke 10 years later.
[00:29:34] Audra: And so I’ve met a few of them.
[00:29:37] Chris: but it’s not just them, it’s just for the majority of the people in our country. We did not get programmed for financial success. And so you can’t just keep busting your tail and working. And then for me it was like, I’m a coach who, my coach, I had hundreds of coaches that wanted to work with me, and I [00:30:00] asked him like, are you financially independent?
[00:30:01] And they’re like, no. I’m like, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re a great coach. Yeah. But that’s not what I need. So finally I found one, I said, coach, you finish an independent. He’s yeah, I’ve been finishing an independent for 40 years. Awesome. That’s what I need. And so our first exercise and he said, he said, you don’t have a money problem.
[00:30:20] You have a money project. And the money project, Chris is, we have to understand what you think about that topic. And and this is a lot of stuff that I write about in my book, is just understanding that there’s you plus a thought equals a result. And so most people have a result. And for me, I’d rather just be optimistic and delusional and not look at my result and not own it.
[00:30:49] Cuz it was my ex-wife’s fault. It was the economy’s fault. It was whatever it was my wife’s fault. It’s easier to play victim. More so than ever. But finally it was like, okay, I have to change. I need to quit living in Hopium, which is where most people are hoping.
[00:31:04] Audra: Yeah, I love that.
[00:31:05] Chris: Yeah. Hoping the outside world’s gonna change while I insist on staying the same.
[00:31:11] But it was, okay, you’re broke, you have challenges and people could be listening like, Chris, I’m not broke. Got it. You don’t have to be sick to get better, It’s just. we could do a whole show on money thermostats and how much money we actually see ourselves making. And there’s a lot of, it’s all mindset Audra.
[00:31:28] It’s all mindset. Yeah. It’s a hundred percent mindset. But there’s the thought that there’s the result, there’s you, and then there’s your thinking. And so I sat down with my money journal, my green [00:31:40] money journal, and I wrote the word money at the top and I sat with it for an hour. Nice. And it was, What do I make up about this word?
[00:31:50] Okay. And it was hard to make. Oh yeah. Almost every entrepreneur has that one, right? Yeah. Hard to make, hard to keep. My dad told me, rich people suck. Oh, my mom said, you either have money or you don’t, like you really don’t have a choice. but, and I share. I share all of it. I share all my limiting beliefs in the book.
[00:32:14] But I wrote it all down and it was eye-opening because literally I had eight to 10 limiting Blue Strand money been swirling around in my head for 37 years. It was 37 when I did that exercise and what studies have shown is financially successful people. They had the same limiting beliefs too, but at some point they called bs.
[00:32:39] On it. And they actually sat their butts down and did the hardest work on the planet, which is actually thinking and getting a re, an understanding of the thinking that’s creating the result. And so when I wrote that, when I wrote that down, I’m like, oh, Audra, I finally met the enemy me, right? And it was obvious why I was broke.
[00:33:04] C p a financial advisor, how could you be broke? You know what to do. I wasn’t doing it. So anyway, I shifted. Okay, so to a better money story. To money story. I rewrote a better money story. Okay. and there’s a million affirmations you could have, whatever. Some [00:33:20] people think affirmations work, some people don’t either.
[00:33:22] Either group is right, I think they work. and making and saving big money is easy. money’s the scorecarded value that I’m creating for others. So I’m creating more value, making more money. if I’m not growing, my money’s not growing, right? So if I’m growing, if I’m growing, my income should be growing if I’m personally growing.
[00:33:45] And the only way we’ll find true fulfillment in life is if we are personally growing and we’re contributing to others. That’s the only place fulfillment lies. So if I’m growing, my income’s growing, I attract success, abundance, and peace into my life because that is who I am. That was my go-to all time.
[00:34:04] I got a great story about that. but anyway, so that, that was it. And my coach said, Hey, you’re not gonna shift it in 21 days, but you have to be conscious of it, and you gotta start shifting this story. And it will work. And your life looks like a big black, hourglass. big black stand hourglass right now.
[00:34:26] We just gotta drop a little piece of gold in there every day, bud. And that is, you affirming the right things. You keeping your word, whole nother topic, keeping your word yourself, and. And doing the work and doing the uncomfortable things and not letting approval, addiction get the best of you.
[00:34:43] but if you could just drop a little piece of gold in that hourglass, every single day, it’s gonna light up and it’ll be mostly gold. And then it’ll be all gold. And that was the image he gave me that, actually gave me hope. Wow. That I could change it a little bit at a time. I could eat the elephant one bite at a [00:35:00] time.
[00:35:00] And, and we transformed. That’s
[00:35:02] Audra: great. What a great story. so many people when they start running into challenges in their business, they don’t take the time to look. In here, it’s typically out here. The market’s not right. the economy sucks. Nobody’s spending money on this widget right now.
[00:35:20] my customers aren’t willing to pay this price. I can’t get it supplied at a decent rate. The customers won’t do the work if they’re a coach. That I asked them to do. So it’s always some kind of outside reflection, which you touched on there. But nine times outta 10, it’s not outside, it’s internal.
[00:35:39] It’s your own crap, your own stories, your own made up belief of who you are and where you’re supposed to be in this life. And I’ve had quite a few podcasts about this mindset trips up everybody. And I don’t care what stage of the business that you’re in, it will become a challenge at some point through this process, you need to stay cognizant of it becoming a bigger issue.
[00:36:06] So you won. You don’t end up down the road as Chris did, your mistakes, serve many other people to prevent that, So the ones that have traveled before you, that have taken the arrows, learn from their mistakes and sit down and look at it and say, my bank account’s empty right now.
[00:36:21] My credit cards are maxed out. People are not buying. Instead of me saying, somebody else put me in this situation, you gotta take responsibility for it and say, you know what? I’m the business owner here. This is my responsibility. the good comes with the bad. You decided to be self-employed [00:36:40] because you wanted to be in charge.
[00:36:41] when stuff like this comes up, you’re in charge. Fix it. Dig in, get a coach, get some books. Christus gave a couple great recommendations. There’s lots of books out there about money and getting back to the right place if that is an issue. But the more work that you can do on yourself, and the more that you do that introspect to find out where you’re.
[00:37:03] Showing up or not showing up. The quicker you’ll recover and then you are able to move into the next phase. One more tip on that. I run into a lot of people that the product, the service of clients, the pricing, none of that is the issue. It’s all up here and it’s the stories that the business owner is imprisoning themselves with.
[00:37:24] There’s no point in it. find the time to work through it. It is just as important. As working in your business every day. So set aside an hour a week, set aside 30 minutes every morning, whatever that is. But it is important, and if you want your business to grow and scale, you’re gonna need to put the time in to you to make sure you can.
[00:37:47] Chris: But yeah, it’s a hundred percent mindset and I would challenge everybody that this topic of money, That’s where I would go because what’s gonna happen is as you shore that up,it, in my book I talk about deserving issues. omg. Yeah. That drives a ton of entrepreneurs.
[00:38:08] Do I deserve to be successful? it’s a ridiculous man-made mind virus that doesn’t exist. But I didn’t even know. Cause I’m like, okay, I want to be financially successful. I want to get clear. my wife and I set [00:38:20] a savings goal. Good. because most people can’t save and I couldn’t save and.
[00:38:26] That goal caused me to look at all sorts of stuff. but the goal became, super emotional for what it meant, and we wanted financial relief, good and relief financially. When I talked to a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of people want relief financially. And you need to be able identify the feeling tied to the financial goal.
[00:38:51] And that’s where everybody screws up is they think financial goals are logical and they’re not. you can make ’em logical, but it’s not gonna get you there. It’s not going to get the gas in the Ferrari. You have to know the feeling you’re looking for. And my wife and I started each other. I’m like, I want relief.
[00:39:07] I want relief like oxygen. And it is a powerful driver for an entrepreneur. I want financial relief. And most of, isn’t
[00:39:15] Audra: that why people start businesses to begin with?
[00:39:19] Chris: yeah. they want time control. They want, they wanna make an impact. they want to do all that.
[00:39:23] but, their entrepreneurial dream can become an entrepreneurial nightmare. If you don’t have a good relationship with money, you don’t understand it. So everyone that’s listening, it’s not gonna be your social media strategy or, Sales or, all that stuff’s important, but Right, if I say, what are the top three things that you think about money and you spout ’em off right now and it’s either energy up or energy down.
[00:39:52] Most people it’s energy down cuz I’ve done the exercise, put thousands of entrepreneurs, I write it on a whiteboard, money [00:40:00] go. I also do that with sales. Write the word sales down, what comes up for you? Audra, anytime I do that exercise, 95% of the time, that word, there’s a negative response from the crowd.
[00:40:13] Oh, I bet. So they have a, so they have a bad relationship with word sales and they have a bad relationship with the word money. It’s gonna be tough because your number one skills of business owner is the ability to sell end of story. So those are.
[00:40:26] Beliefs and most people are looking for tactics on that stuff and it’s not gonna work. Your mindset has to shift on those two words. If you’re gonna be a successful entrepreneur.
[00:40:38] Audra: So as we get close to wrapping up here, you covered two very important topics that if you’re stuck in the middle, you really need to take the time and assess where would you tell somebody that thinks, you know what?
[00:40:52] This could be my problem. I need some help. Where did they start looking for the solution?
[00:40:57] Chris: I mean for, for a approval addiction,so in my book, I have a rec recommendation for a course. Okay. it, it’s an approval addiction course. Okay. that Steve Siebel put together.
[00:41:10] That is, unbelievable. And based in a massive amount of research and, nice, real, systematic ways to become aware of it. money. I think, what worked for me is just, and once again, understanding, Hey, I don’t have approval, addiction problem. I have a project. I don’t have a money problem.
[00:41:29] I have a money project. First is, what is your relationship with that word? And there is a ton of books that you can grab on. but once again, you gotta get after it. [00:41:40] And so t Harv Becker’s book is where I would start Margaret Lynch’s book, tapping Into Wealth. it, that stuff is, and there’s a lot of resources, but it’s not money how to things.
[00:41:52] It’s money beliefs, it’s money mindset stuff. Any book you can get on that okay. Is going to serve you. Okay. Oh, how rich people think. Sorry. My lord. My mentor wrote a book called How Rich People Think. Okay. How Rich People Think By Steve Siebel. okay. And that is all, that whole book is, Hey, middle Class thinks this Way on Money.
[00:42:10] The World Class thinks this way. It is. One by one, page by page going, okay, here’s the limiting belief that most people have. Here’s what the ultra successful and world class are. People that are world-class, they operate from love and abundance and service. They’re not posting scarcity and they’re not posting their Lambos on social media.
[00:42:30] that’s not who you want to be, right? these are people that do well help a crap load of people. Give a lot of money away. these are the people that aren’t in the limelight, but they are wildly successful, right? Wildly wealthy, and they make a huge impact. Those are the people you need to study.
[00:42:48] Audra: Nice. All right you guys. this was another episode of The Mess in the Middle. Thank you, Chris, for being here, and I’ll be sure to put all the links in the show notes so you guys can check out the books and the courses and all the things to get on the path. Worst case scenario, go to YouTube and just do a search on some of this stuff and find some podcasts or some videos to start you down on this path so you can figure out if this is what’s got you stuck.
[00:43:16] So until next time, keep moving through the middle.
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