Becky Mollenkamp

Listen in as Becky shares her personal journey of self-discovery and growth, and how she found a new sense of purpose along the way. Learn how Becky went from journalism to becoming an accountability coach, helping others reshape their lives and break free from the “good girl” pattern. Whether you’re facing a significant life change or simply seeking inspiration, this episode offers valuable insights on embracing the messy middle and ultimately emerging stronger and more fulfilled.

becky mollenkamp

About the Guest

Becky Mollenkamp (she/her) is an accountability coach for smart, values-led business owners. She helps them go after their goals without burning out.

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Audra Carpenter


Becky Mollenkamp


CJ Carpenter



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Episode Transcript

*What follows is an AI-generated transcript may not be 100% accurate. 


00:00:00] Audra: All right. Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, depending on what time of day you’re listening to this. Welcome back to another episode of The Mess in the Middle. Today I have Becky with me, and it’s gonna be an interesting conversation. We’ve set the stage a little bit about what we wanted to cover, and I.

[00:00:56] Sure we’re gonna add value to your life. So grab a coffee or a wine depending on what time of day it is, and, settle in and let’s get some stuff done. So Becky, welcome to the show. I appreciate you being here.

[00:01:08] Hey,

[00:01:08] Becky: thanks for having me. I’m excited for our chat.

[00:01:10] Audra: good. so let’s take a couple minutes to get into a little bit of your backstory.

[00:01:15] Now, your full story will be available On her podcast page, so we’ll have links there. We’ll have websites and all the information to get ahold of her, so we won’t take too much time here, but know that all that’ll be available to you when the episode goes out to the web verse. So please share.

[00:01:33] Sure.

[00:01:33] Becky: my background is actually journalism, but today I’m an accountability coach and so that’s been an interesting journey for me [00:01:40] over. The course of many years, but I graduated, with a bachelor’s in journalism. Worked for newspapers. Nice. Then I moved to magazines, got my master’s in journalism. I was pretty entrenched in being a journalist.

[00:01:53] And then in 2010, I had my life went through a major upheaval. I got divorced and my brother died in the space of a very short amount of time. And because of. All of that and the depression that followed, I almost lost my house, almost lost my career. Cause at that point I was a freelance writer and all of that really helped me say wait, what do I really want from my life?

[00:02:13] Because I had never really done that. I declared when I was nine that I would be a writer when I grew up. And I just did it. Wow. And I was very like, I was very much the good girl who just did what I was supposed to do. And it wasn’t really until my life just turned upside down that I started to think about what do I actually want for my life?

[00:02:30] And it. What I had, and it wasn’t to be a writer. I love writing, but not really for other people. I like to write for my own business. I like to write about things I’m passionate about, but what my career looked like was not that I was doing a lot of writing for trade magazines. I was writing about like toilets, like just stuff that was definitely not interesting.

[00:02:50] And so that period of time following my brother’s death was a transition time for me. Where I really explored what do I wanna do next and eventually came to realizing I wanted to help other women who were going through similar transitions. And that ended up looking like where I’m at now with coaching.

[00:03:05] But that has been a really gradual process of shifting from the freelance writing business and then discovering coaching, and then balancing those two till now where I’m finally doing accountability coaching full-time.

[00:03:19] Audra: Great. [00:03:20] Wow. There’s so much I could dig into there. very similar story. I did the married, my high school sweetheart at 18.

[00:03:29] first kid at 20. Kid at 23. Third kid at 24, divorced at 26. my older brother passed away. That was, it completely shaked my world upside down. So got divorced, went to college, started a business. raised three kids by myself. Super challenging. Very to say the least. But that’s awesome.

[00:03:54] And there was nobody back then to help, not specifically for that. Yes. I saw counselor for a little while to work through the divorce stuff and the kids stuff, cuz I had three kids under the age of 5.. Wow. So it was a little challenging being a full-time, very challenging working and I double majored.

[00:04:10] So I worked while I was going to school and luckily my parents were a ton of help, but, it was hard. Probably, hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Work is easy. Raising kids is the hard part

[00:04:22] Becky: for sure. I, and I am very lucky that I did not have children with my ex. Oh, okay. And that made that whole process evidently more easy than it could have been for.

[00:04:31] Yeah. I can’t even imagine how you managed all that. That is the one thing that I’m really grateful for, that I didn. Do that good girl behavior of I guess I’m supposed to. And there was a lot of pressure, believe me To have kids. but I just, for some reason I knew and I thought I would never have kids.

[00:04:46] It wasn’t until I now remarried, after I went through all of that and reimagined what I wanted my life to look like and what do I want. And now with this partner, I really wanted to have a child. So we had a child later in life, much unlike you, we did it the other end of the extreme. Yeah. 

And so now I [00:05:00] have a first grader, and I can’t imagine not having him, but that all of that led to.

[00:05:06] I wasn’t ready then,

[00:05:09] Audra: life shows up when it’s gonna show up and the choices we make puts us on the whatever path we’re gonna go onto. That’s awesome. So tell me a little bit about this transition. So youcame to a place where you’re like, I’m no longer congruent with what I’m doing in my life.

[00:05:24] Let me explore what next steps could look like. how long do you think that phase took for you?

[00:05:30] Becky: the decision process, Was I, it’s interesting. I don’t know. It was long. The whole process was long. following my brother’s death, I had the privilege of having a parent, my mom, who let me come back at 36

[00:05:43] years old. Which was humbling, cuz I at that point was living a very nice life between my ex-husband and I. We made great money. We traveled when we wanted. We had a beautiful giant custom home. We had built, like we didn’t have kids, so we didn’t have that expense like we were living

[00:05:58] What on paper looked. Like a really impressive life and was just, wasn’t very fulfilling. And so for me then to have to humble myself and move back in with my mom into just a room in her house. But I, it was a real privilege cuz it gave me time to say, I’m gonna push pause almost entirely on work.

[00:06:16] I just worked for a few existing clients in my writing. During that time just to have enough money to be able to eat right. But I wasn’t having to pay the bills in the same way, and that bought me time. And that was a solid six months. I allowed myself to grieve and to figure out what I wanted to do.

[00:06:32] Now, this was after two years of avoiding grieve, of course, but I finally realized like, I need to, I have to do this. Like I can’t keep running from it. [00:06:40] So I really just devoted myself. I made my grief really my full-time job, and I spent that. Doing a lot of running and a lot of journaling and reflecting and thinking about what do I want?

[00:06:49] And I wasn’t sure what that meant, but it looked less what are jobs that I would like and more what are the things I want to do? What’s the impact I wanna have on the world? What do I care about? And I knew that led me towards something that look like helping women that. following the same patterns that I had and it sounds like maybe you did Sort of those, like the good girl pattern of what we’re supposed to do, stop living these shoulds. But the, so that process was like six months of just discovery and again Yeah. Real privilege to be able to do that. And then I had to start. Thinking about, I don’t wanna live in my mom’s room forever.

[00:07:25] It was really good for her too, by the way, cuz she had lost a son. So it was great. But it was time for me to okay, be an adult back out on love my mom, but I need my own space. Yeah. So that meant I, I had to pay the bills again. Like I needed to start thinking about how am I gonna live. I knew I wanted to do something different, but I, that’s the writing is what I knew how to do.

[00:07:41] It’s the skills that I had. It was my resume. So I went back to freelance writing. Full-time while still doing all of this internal work around what might it look like. And at the time I was doing a lot of running, so I started down the path first of thinking maybe I wanna do, wanna be like a personal trainer.

[00:07:58] Okay. Maybe that’s like a personal coach in that way. helping women feel stronger. So that’s where it started. So I began exploring that. I was working on my certification doing all of that, and I was working part-time for a few, gyms. Like leading classes while I was getting my certification, while also still doing my writing business and started to discover this doesn’t [00:08:20] feel quite right.

[00:08:21] And then I started to find the world of online business. Yeah, this was like 2014 or something. 15. Okay. And. Got interested mostly at the time thinking like, if I’m gonna build this business as a personal trainer, that’s a business I need to learn more about, like finding clients and all of that.

[00:08:36] Cuz up until that point, all of my work was in a totally different sort of arena. So I started discovering online business and started to really love online business. So then I started thinking about Coaching in a way I had never thought of. I had never even heard of a business coach, a mindset coach, a life coach.

[00:08:51] I had never heard of these things until I started exploring online business and got in these groups and started discovering these things and thought, that, that feels really good. Like being able to help people virtually and help them. Cuz I love the power of owning your own business. Yeah. I love the flexibility, the freedom, the the fact that

[00:09:08] Potential is endless, right? I love what that does to empower women. And so I was excited about that. So then I started shifting out of personal training and towards what does it look like to maybe become a business coach? Didn’t take that long to start to realize I. I have no business being a business coach because I don’t know enough about running an online business.

[00:09:26] I’m still discovering it. So then I started learning a little bit more about mindset coaching, good life coaching, and that’s where it finally started to click a little more like this feels more right. And so during that process, as I started. That going down that road, I built a membership. I had built a community, I built a membership.

[00:09:43] That was the first thing I think, actually the first thing I launched was a course about LinkedIn. Cuz I knew how to use LinkedIn really well. So that was my first foray and did something that wasn’t my writing business. And I loved that because it was creation and as a writer I loved creation.

[00:09:57] So that was great. And so I started to make a little money [00:10:00] and then I started this membership for other business owners and wasn’t sure entirely what it was, but more money started to come in. Those first few years, I just started to downshift a bit on the freelance writing. Yeah. As I’m putting the gas on whatever this coaching business could be.

[00:10:15] And so the first year, I mean I think it was like 95% of my income was writing and 5% maybe was from coaching. But then over the next couple of years, that started to really shift. And finally, once I figured out like my space is life coaching, mindset coaching. I got certified. And then that really evolved into the point where I am now, which is accountability coaching, which kind of combines all of those things.

[00:10:36] We do a lot of mindset work, but a lot of the work is also helping business owners reach their goals, make sure that they’re figuring out what they wanna do, how they wanna do it, helping them with growth. So it’s combining some of the business coaching, some of the mindset coaching, all of that into one.

[00:10:49] And it’s only in the last two years that my income is now at a hundred percent from my coaching business. So during that time, over the course of about a decade, it was this gradual shift of what do I wanna do? What does it look like? Experimenting slowly bringing in income and then slowly making that shift where it went.

[00:11:08] eventually it got to 50 50 and then finally tipped the, when I finally tipped the scales into making more money on coaching. That was really exciting. And then finally being, Stop writing altogether was the best feeling.

[00:11:19] now the writing is all for, it’s for me.

[00:11:21] I write all the time. Yeah. But just not for anyone else. That’s

[00:11:25] Audra: awesome. What a great story. I think people forget that as we start you gotta go through that journey to figure out what it’s gonna be for you. You start in one place. and at first is recognizing I’m not happy where I’m at.

[00:11:38] So if it’s not a monetary [00:11:40] thing, if it’s not a physical thing, it’s, you’re not living your purpose. You’ll stay uneasy until you put the work in to figure out what that’s supposed to look like. And, I’ve had so many conversations with other business owners, it takes two or three tries sometimes to figure out.

[00:11:57] I tried that. I really didn’t solve it. Let me keep going and kind of transition through it until I find what kind of gives me all green lights. once I’m in and you will hit so many more green lights and you do red lights, then you know, keep going cuz something else will keep showing.

[00:12:14] And where we start and where you actually end up are typically not the same place. when you started down the coaching path, did you think that this was where you were gonna end up?

[00:12:24] Becky: I didn’t even know this existed. Okay. No. like I would’ve never even known that what I’m now doing Yeah.

[00:12:29] Would’ve been a possibility. I started in the world of personal training. That version of coaching, which looks nothing like what I do now, is nothing that I’m interested in anymore. And at that time, because it was really like, I started that process around 2013. Okay. Online business was still, pretty new.

[00:12:46] And I just didn’t even know. I had no exposure to what other coaching looked like. I had never really had an experience with it, so I had no idea. I had, and that was a hard process too, because the perfectionist in me wanted to figure it out and do it right. and anytime it didn’t work out, it felt oh, I’m a failure.

[00:13:06] And I had to grapple with that feeling. Yeah, many times through that process of oh, this isn’t it, and what does that say about me if I can’t figure it out? And this isn’t the thing. The writing wasn’t it. Now this isn’t it. Maybe there’s nothing that will be it. all [00:13:20] of those kinds of feelings came up and that was the hardest part of the whole process is dealing with the internal messaging that comes up, especially when there’s that perfectionism stuff or the fear of failure.

[00:13:31] You have to manage all of that as you go through the process cuz it’s really easy to wanna quit..

[00:13:36] Audra: so if you like go from high school to college or get into some kind of work, we’re not hard on ourselves because we’re a student, then we know how to ask questions and we evolve through our expertise.

[00:13:49] Where I find out the mindset really just destroys people. Is like you. You’ve got up to the place where you’re an. Copywriter, you’re an expert journalist, whatever your writing title was, but then you had to go the way back down to the bottom and start over again. But we’re different people then because we became this expert.

[00:14:09] We expect to be able to, horizontally move over and just, I could, I learned that I, but we forget that it took all those years and we give her some plenty of grace to learn it. We were in the process, we’re learning. But when we transition into business, we don’t, we expect, I don’t know what to happen, but it to be easier.

[00:14:30] And when we aren’t able to step into that role and just excel, we go into the, I’m not good enough. I’m not experienced enough. I’ll never figure this out. Why is this happening to me? I look online, everybody’s having success. I suck. I should go back and get a job that I’m miserable at. And that conversation, man.

[00:14:50] Kills so many people’s purpose.

[00:14:54] Becky: Oh, I think so too. I think it is one of the reasons, that so many new businesses fail.[00:15:00] I think that people have these unrealistic expectations on themselves. Yeah. and I think some of that’s internal, but there’s so much of that’s reinforcing that externally, when I gotinto the online business space, I noticed it more than I ever had.

[00:15:12] I think I’ve always felt it. I think we’ve always had this external pressure on us to figure things out, to be perfect, to be good, especially as, women to be that good girl, but as all people to like really excel to, America has this really strong thing around like working hard and.

[00:15:27] Progressing and, we’ve had this vision of what a career looks like. That’s no longer true at all. No. But it still, I think, remains this idea of you need to figure it out. Then you go and you work and you move up the hierarchy. And then you retire at the top. And then that’s, and that’s not how it looks.

[00:15:41] But there’s still that vision I think that gets baked into us. and then the online business. Space. There’s all of this messaging that I experienced and that I hear from so many people. And unfortunately a lot of it comes from coaches or people who call themselves coaches, often consultants that are giving people this messaging that if you really believed in yourself, if you really believed in this idea, then you would go all in today, right?

[00:16:02] And then, but

[00:16:02] Audra: your job burden, your bridges, do whatever you supposed to take out a loan.

[00:16:06] Becky: And then if you’re not making seven figures in a year, you. Failure. And if you think that you’re gonna switch entirely into some new thing you’ve never done, do it overnight and within a year be making a million dollars.

[00:16:19] That’s not realistic for most people. 99.99% of people, that’s just not realistic. But this is all this messaging that we’re getting. So then when we can’t figure it out right away, we can’t because. A lot of us don’t have the support system to be able to just say, I’ll just burn it all down and start something new tomorrow.

[00:16:35] You have bills to pay kids to take care of, like reality, right? We can’t just [00:16:40] have no money coming in tomorrow, so then we can’t do that. Then we think we’ve failed, and then when we’re not making enough money fast enough, we think we’ve failed. there’s just all of this pressure externally and internally, and I think that’s why a lot of businesses fail because people get consumed by that pressure.

[00:16:54] This unrealistic expectations and then just say, this is too hard. I can’t do it. I don’t measure up. I guess I’m not good enough for this. I’m just gonna have to go back and suffer in some job I don’t like. And I’ve seen it time and again. And also I wanna say that there are times when it makes sense to go.

[00:17:10] Some people, yeah, might prefer work for someone else and all of that, but for people, I think there are plenty of people who might truly have an entrepreneurial spirit that would maybe really do great as a business owner. If only they had given themselves more time, more space, more permission, more flexibility in what it looks like.

[00:17:27] And I don’t put that all on them. I think so much of that comes externally at us. And it’s absolutely, it’s not too, I have felt that pressure many times. I felt that pressure, and so I, I understand it and it makes me sad.

[00:17:39] Audra: It is sad. That’s a whole reason why I’m doing what I’m doing because I got to a place, where I’ve owned a digital marketing agency since 2009.

[00:17:49] I’ve seen the evolution of what the internet has done over the last 14 years, and it’s sad. I’m excited. But at the same time, I’m very sad. I know I’ve told this story before, but I think it’s worth sharing. So in 2017, I felt a little bit bored. yeah, I’m just doing rinse and repeat.

[00:18:08] Yes. How many more people do I need to help move from 10 million to 20 million or 20 million to 50 million? It wasn’t that fun because once you get past the creative stuff, the rest of [00:18:20] marketing is processes and systems, automation, growth, testing, rinse, and repeat. A lot of that turns into busy work.

[00:18:28] Andit’s the backbone of a business, but it’s not as exciting. So I was like, I’m gonna start volunteering. I need to get back to beginners. Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe something else has changed in the few years I’ve been away from startups. So I started volunteering with a organization called

[00:18:47] Okay. And started mentoring people that were already in business that needed help with marketing. Cuz that’s my sweet spot. And what I found was, one, people are smart, some brilliant ideas. I’m like, oh my God, how did you think of that? This’ll be a million dollar project. But then after talking to ’em and talking to ’em and looking at the infrastructure and looking the way that their skillsets were and how they felt about themselves mindset wise, I would walk away saying, this business is never gonna.

[00:19:24] Not because they didn’t have a brilliant idea, but because they would never figure out how to get through the other stuff that was holding them up. Had nothing to do with marketing, had nothing to do with the idea, the pricing. The audience had nothing to do with the things that they could easily fix.

[00:19:40] Had all to do with them and their ability to work through the stuff that was gonna come. And it hurts. I’m just like, oh my gosh, this sucks. This is why so many businesses are failing. And I think the other thing, just to tie that back together, the [00:20:00] small businesses are the ones that actually need the agency help.

[00:20:04] Yes, big businesses can afford it, but if the smaller businesses don’t actually get some kind of direction they never get to become a big business because nobody’s ever there to help them step through it. And that’s the whole reason why I built the marketplace. I’m not trying to go into that, but there’s gotta be a super simple system that can move people through it a little bit faster, just enough to get to revenue until they could start paying for something.

[00:20:30] But that scary spot in there in the center, it’s unfortunate, but that’s where the most of the casualties. I agree. I agree. And for stupid reasons.

[00:20:40] Becky: Yeah. yes. And I also understand the reasons. Yeah. And it’s sometimes it’s so frustrating when you’re on the other side of that and how The wisdom of age experience.

[00:20:50] Or just maybe some people are just lucky to have some like inherent confidence that creates that for them, which is amazing. Yeah. But to see people that are still in that place of such uncertainty in themselves. Yeah. disbelieve inability to be able. Walk in with confidence and say, I have an amazing idea.

[00:21:08] You need this. that is so hard to cultivate and I know that we live in a world that is constantly chipping away at that from the time we’re little. So I get it completely, but it is really hard when you’re on their other side of it to see it. Cuz you just wanna shake them and say, stand.

[00:21:23] The only thing holding you back is you. Yeah. like if you can find the way that internal fortitude to have the. To have some belief in yourself. That’s really what it takes. Yeah. Because you can’t, I just don’t think it’s easy or maybe impossible to survive as an [00:21:40] entrepreneur without that, because you are in it by yourself.

[00:21:44] even if you have a partner, even, it’s still, it’s a, it’s still you. It’s you, it’s all on you. and it’s a lonely kind of world in some ways. Like I, I think community is so important. I have so many support systems, but ultimately, like the decision making and all of that is really hard.

[00:21:57] And there’s a lot of responsibility. There’s a lot of uncertainty. Business goes like this, and it always does. I don’t care who you are. Like there are gonna be ups and downs. Yeah. And you have to have that self-assurance inside to be able to say, I can weather this storm. I believe in this business. I believe in myself.

[00:22:14] this may be hard. But I’m gonna do this. Because otherwise, Especially that first time, like I started my freelance business in 2005 and the oh eight recession wasn’t far behind. And boy, when I started my business, I was turning away work I was making six figures in a couple of months, felt great.

[00:22:30] I was like, oh yeah, this is easy. Then that recession hit and on the heels of the recession, everything else in my life fell apart and I learned. That I could survive it. Yeah. Was it hard? Yeah. Was it, did they involve six months living with my mom? Now that was a little different. It probably wouldn’t have had to if I didn’t make that choice and my brother hadn’t died inside.

[00:22:48] Yeah. But it was hard. It was really hard and there were sacrifices and it was a big change and I had to hustle in ways I had never hustled. I had to think differently about my business in ways that I never had. I had to really start to learn about what does it mean to run a business. Because prior to that, Work was just coming to me.

[00:23:03] It was so easy. I was like, why would anyone ever fail those? That first time you get tested though, that first time you get tested is what really, I think makes or breaks a lot of people, right? Yeah. Whether it’s a recession or something else, losing a big client, maybe you’ve put too many eggs in one client basket and then discovering [00:23:20] like why that’s not always a good idea.

[00:23:21] But that first time you get really tested, that is when it’s easy to say. this is too hard. And that’s where that internal belief has to come into play. And I think that’s the piece that is missing for so many people. And we don’t invest in that. I think often, and I think marketing’s super important, but as you said, we invest in a lot of the practical things, what we think are practical.

[00:23:42] Like I just need somebody to gimme a marketing plan. I need somebody tell me how to do my social media. Whatever those things are. And those are great. But like you said, if you don’t have the internal belief Those systems aren’t, gonna save you, they just won’t. That’s what sets the people who get 20 years into business apart. I think from the people who make it too, and it’s absolutely about the person, not the Absolutely. It’s not anything else that they invested in. It’s did they invest in themselves Yeah. to make, to develop that belief in themselves.

[00:24:09] Audra: And it shows up at not just the beginning stage.

[00:24:12] I’ve gotten into very seasoned clients where they’ve kinda lost their connection to the business. And therefore they’re, out there a little bit anchor list. I got competition. There’s too much competition. My revenue numbers are slowing down. My staff is blah they’re not excited and, I’ve had to use, so I have a degree in psychology and behavioral science.

[00:24:37] I can’t tell you how much I use that. And I’m also a master practitioner in N L P. that is probably the most common skillset I have to use. I have to go back in and reconnect them. Wait a second. wait. So you, those are all excuses. Yeah. That may be the reality right now of what’s happening in your business, but let’s go back and figure out why did we start this to begin with.

[00:24:58] Yeah. And tie them back to [00:25:00] that excitement and that energy of what that was. folks, you guys listening to this podcast,it’s okay if you’re past that. Where’s the point of it is we’re gonna run into it No matter what stage you’re at, if you’re in your first year, if you’re in your fifth year, those kind of things are gonna come up.

[00:25:17] And the goal is not to prevent them from coming up, cuz you can’t. It’s impossible. What it is to develop better skills to get through it. the highs and lows are not so extreme. So at the beginning, the highs and lows are super extreme. I’m in business, I’m out of business. I better go get a job.

[00:25:35] I’m in business. I made $12 today, I’m outta business. I better go get a job. This sucks. I’m not cut out for it. Those will get less and less. They don’t stop, but maybe next time you don’t dip down as far and you get through it a little bit faster. Those are the skills that we develop to still be in business five years later or 10 years later.

[00:25:55] But, going into it, knowing what you’re setting yourself up for, I think also makes handling the challenges a little bit. Okay. I know this is coming. My goal is not to panic and run. My goal is to say, okay, how do I get through this faster? What kind of skills do I personally need to develop to get through this and build to what’s the next step?

[00:26:18] Because I was told stuff like this is gonna happen.

[00:26:22] Becky: Yeah, now, my work is with people that are at that, at least million dollar revenue and up to 20, 50 million revenue where they’ve got a team under them. And what’s different now is that it’s, for most of them, their tipping point, it becomes about losing that passion.

[00:26:39] Like you said, [00:26:40] they’ve lost. Why? So they’ve gotten into sort of the hamster wheel that is easy to get into when you’re running a business of bills and

[00:26:47] Audra: employees and

[00:26:48] Becky: management. I gotta hit that next, whatever that next marker is for you. Or they’ve held onto this belief that’s false. We all, and I think most of us reach some point where we find it.

[00:26:56] if I just hit that number, whatever that magic number is that you’ve created in your head. If I get to the six figures, if I get to the seven, if I get to the eight, whatever that figure is. Yeah. Thinking that’s gonna be the time that suddenly it’s. Feel better. This is all gonna be so much easier. I’m gonna love it more.

[00:27:11] Like I just need to hit that. So we’re in this constant motion of just trying to achieve, to get there. That we forget about how we’re feeling until we get to it. Yeah. Whatever it is for you, and then you hit it and you think. This doesn’t feel like I hoped it would. I’m still feeling overwhelmed.

[00:27:27] I’m still feeling tired. And on top of all of that, now I’ve burned myself out and I’ve lost all my passion. I’ve lost my passion for this. And that’s usually where I find people that are maybe very successful, but thinking about quitting. Not because they’re afraid, right? They’re just like, I don’t know that I wanna do this anymore.

[00:27:42] It doesn’t feel good. And that’s usually where they’re coming to me because, When we’re in that state, often what it looks like is I feel stuck. I’m not taking action, I’m procrastinating. I need help. And so a lesson I learned, by the way, for people who might be newer, is I used to try to meet my clients with what I knew they needed.

[00:28:01] Now I meet them with what they think they need. So I call myself an accountability coach, and yes, I do that. I hope you reach your goals. But the truth is, I know that the reason you’re not reaching their goals is not because you need a better time management system, or you need a partner there to just make sure you get things done.

[00:28:15] That’s what they think. Great. I’ll be there for that. If that’s all you want me to use me for, we’ll do that. But I know the truth is when we [00:28:20] dig in, we’re gonna find out there’s something else going on. Absolutely. And it’s almost always about that. It’s helping them reconnect to their. Their why and then helping them reshape what business looks like at that stage.

[00:28:31] Because it doesn’t have to look like the hustle, the grind, the, that miserable thing. It can look like you, you’ve gotten to a place where you can create business to look the way you want it to, and what is that gonna look like? And most people haven’t given themselves that permission to think about that, let alone start to create it.

[00:28:47] They just thought they have to follow that model that we’ve all been given. So they’re just hustling. Hustling. And now it’s let’s look at what are your values that, giving back that volunteering that you did. So many of my people, they want to do that. They haven’t been because they don’t have time.

[00:29:01] And they think it’s a time management issue, but it’s not a time management issues, a values alignment issue. And so that ends up being, I would call myself a values alignment coach, but nobody’s gonna hire somebody to do that. Probably not,

[00:29:11] Audra: but values are fine.

[00:29:13] Becky: Yeah. Yeah. These high achievers love the idea of an accountability coach.

[00:29:16] And then when we get into work, they’re, they start to realize pretty quickly oh yeah, I don’t really need somebody to just hold my hand here. What I really need. To do this deeper work. To do the

[00:29:26] Audra: deeper work well too, it, it doesn’t matter if you’re brand new or you’ve been in business a long time, we still don’t know what we don’t know.

[00:29:33] Yeah. So when your life gets outta control like that, my first entrepreneur experience was I opened up a coffee shop. No grassroots, right? I’m in it. I’m hiring my first employees. I had to waddle through all that. super challenging. I had no idea what I was. Fast forward a little bit. I’m up to a second store, transitioned with a third store.

[00:29:55] I had 65 employees. Now mind you, people that work in coffee shops [00:30:00] are typically high school kids or college kids or people transitioning in business. Had a great staff, but they were so much work. And what I found was I was losing interest in the business because I wanted to do the creative.

[00:30:14] I wanted to build the systems and then I didn’t wanna do ’em anymore. And I was like, this sucks. Yeah. I’ve just became a manager. Yeah. So how I fixed it was I started, I was burning out, same thing. I brought in managers to work in the store to put a layer between me and them. But it took me months to try to get there, and I didn’t do it because I figured out I was solving that problem.

[00:30:41] I had no idea that’s, that was actually the problem at the time. But, I just couldn’t keep up. The business was growing so I brought in, assistant managers into the stores just to make, to handle the business. Little did I know that was like, oh, that gave me a little bit of a buffer between, Bob that was supposed to be there four o’clock and calls at four 10 to say he is not coming in.

[00:31:04] I didn’t wanna deal with that kind of stuff. And then I realized, okay, some of this stuff I don’t wanna do. If I’m gonna stay in this industry, I gotta figure out how to protect myself. Otherwise I’m not gonna make it.

[00:31:18] Becky: Yeah. I’m a big fan of, personally of the Clifton Strengths assessment test. Yeah.

[00:31:22] There’s plenty of these out there, right? This and all of them. But I love Oh, like this. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And Clifton’s Race is one, it used to be Strengths Finder, now it’s called Clifts. Oh, okay. Okay. yeah. I’ve heard of that. and I love that assessment and I use it with my clients all the time because I think that’s a big part of it too.

[00:31:35] There’s this values piece. Then there’s also the, like figuring. Are you, where are you [00:31:40] not operating outta your zone of genius? We have to give ourselves that. We have to, again, that comes back to some of that belief to be able to say, it’s okay. I’m allowed to, I have the confidence in my team. I have the confidence in what I’ve built to allow myself to operate out of my zone of genius and stop doing all of the other stuff, right?

[00:31:57] And that’s very hard for us to do as business owners, right? Because. Most people start their business just them. Some people start with a few people, but it’s usually a pretty small thing that you build up. You’re used to doing it all and you get used to the idea that no one can do it better than you.

[00:32:12] You’re the best at it. And so it’s can be very hard to start to let go of those things, but using an assessment like Clifton strengths can sometimes be helpful for people. To just give them that outside perspective on themselves to say oh, It’s okay that I don’t like to do the routine tasks, right?

[00:32:28] And it’s not because there’s something wrong with me, but look, this is my zone of genius. My zone of genius lies over in these influencing strengths, right? I’m way better at getting people excited about the business, not in the execution piece of doing the business, right? And I think often, Having some sort of external assessment and then also like an external coach or someone outside of you who can show you that and help you see that those aren’t flaws, they’re not weaknesses, that you have your own set of strengths and when you use those and op operate out of that space, That’s where the magic really happens. But without that external,perspective on it. Yeah. Often we stay inside our heads thinking I should be able to do it all and there’s something wrong with me. If I can’t, and if I was a good entrepreneur, then I would be able to manage people. There’s nothing wrong if you don’t wanna manage people, that doesn’t make you a bad business owner, right?

[00:33:16] That just might not be your strength set. But it helps to have that outside perspective, I think, on that, [00:33:20] or do it the work yourself. But I really love Clifton strength. Strengths Finder 2.0, for helping people with that and understanding, what is your zone of genius and then where are you not operating in that?

[00:33:30] And by the way, from the beginning, I think To me, it becomes way more powerful when we get to that place where you’re managing people and you have teams. Yeah. And then when you can even use it with your teams, but even from the beginning, knowing these things about yourself. So that you can start to think about what is the smartest strategic first hire?

[00:33:47] Yeah. Where are the, where should I be looking for help and what should I be doing myself? Where can I be using my strengths to their maximum advantage and where should I start to acknowledge the places? That doesn’t mean that I’m not good at, or that I can’t do it, but it doesn’t light me up.

[00:34:00] What are those things and how do I start to get help with those areas from the start? I think it’s important to know that stuff about

[00:34:06] Audra: yourself. This is a very interesting perspective because I hadn’t really played it into the steps. So I create businesses in six steps.

[00:34:16] So I go, this is where you’re at. This is the mindset and the things you need to focus on in the upstart stage. Don’t focus on anything outside of this little bubble. Then when you launch, then when you’re accelerating, growing, scaling, blah, blah, blah, each stage you can break down. These are like 80% of what you should really focus on.

[00:34:35] The rest of it’s gonna be, dependent on what you’re building and who you are, but, That assessment really should happen at the beginning. Cuz you know what?if people assess themselves where they were at the very beginning of their journey, now I’m a proponent of you need to learn everything regardless if you implement it or not.

[00:34:53] You need to understand how it works.from a rescue standpoint, I would say [00:35:00] 50 or 60% of my clients over the year, I’m going in cleaning up after another market. Because business owner didn’t know what to ask for. Marketing person is selling them crap or not digging in far enough to really understand what the business owner needs, and the business owner doesn’t know any better and then they spend a bunch of money and they don’t get the results and they have to go back and start over again.

[00:35:26] I would easily say 50% of my business has been that over the last 10 years, so I. And a huge proponent of you’re the business owner. You need to know what you’re hiring for and know how to measure results and stop spending money where somebody says they guarantee you first page on Facebook or a hundred leads a day, or whatever silliness is going on out there.

[00:35:51] but I think this personality assessment would really tie in nicely to, okay, these are my strengths, these are my weaknesses. I’m gonna learn enough to be a generalist. So when I do hire, they’re following my plan. I’m not allowing them to drive my company. That’s another big, huge challenge. I see.

[00:36:11] but, and then I know that based on my assessment, what as I start to generate revenue, what I can, go of or where my first hire’s gonna come from, I think that’s brilliant. I don’t know why I didn’t consider that before, but I think understanding that ahead of time. I already know I don’t like accounting, so I don’t need to get stuck in the weeds of I’m a failure, I’m disappointed.

[00:36:36] Why can’t I do it like everybody else does it. I’ve already know that. So [00:36:40] there’s no game there. I didn’t fail. I already know that’s a challenge, and as soon as I have money, I’m delegating it. That is very good piece of informationwe could do a lot with to help people.

[00:36:50] Becky: Yeah. I think it’s really helpful from the start to know yourself in that more holistic way for all sorts of reasons.

[00:36:55] Yeah, I do. I do these kinds of assessments with clients for that, but also just for the time management piece. That they’re very interested in. There are, and you, and I know you probably know this with marketing too, like I’m sure you’ve experienced it in anything. There is no one size fits all anything yet.

[00:37:11] We often buy things just thinking, oh, that they say it’ll work. So it’ll work without any understanding of but will it work for me? Does it work the way I want to operate? is this gonna. Function in the way I show up in the world. And if we don’t have enough understanding of how we show up in the world, the lens that we’re looking through, we may not be able to spot those problems.

[00:37:31] And that’s what leads to some of those problem. Obviously, some of it is just not knowing, but some of it is right. Wrong fit stuff because you’re working with somebody who operates out of a completely different, has a very different filter on the world. You could, you were never gonna align. You’re the ways you show up in the world don’t work together, right?

[00:37:47] So the more you know about yourself, the more you can say does this planning tool, you know specifically with time manages up? Does it even work for me? It doesn’t work with the way I show up in the world.

[00:37:55] Audra: Like I use, I’m a paper person and they’re giving me a digital version or

[00:37:59] Becky: Or so I use several different types of assessments.

[00:38:01] I give people a range of them to choose from too, because again, assessments. Does it work for me? Some work. Some people love Clifton strengths, some people don’t. Some people love Myers Briggs, some people don’t. Right? So let’s find the ones that you like, and I think the more of them you have, the more holistic picture, you begin to paint of yourself, because I want you to be able to talk to me about [00:38:20] what does this all mean to you?

[00:38:21] What does that tell you about what you know about yourself? How does this paint the picture of who you are, how you show up in the world, and how it affects you professionally, right? I think sometimes we think of these things and we think of especially like Myers Briggs. Oh, I’m an introvert, so what does that mean in my personal life?

[00:38:34] That stuff also matters in how you show up in your business. So I know as an introvert, I need a lot of alone time. I have to put that in and that has to. Yeah. And, but that doesn’t always show up in planning tools. There’s no thing that says, don’t forget to schedule your alone time. like, when I’m thinking about time management, I have to think about if I’m gonna, after this call, I have to have a.

[00:38:55] Because I’m peopling and it’s great. I’m not like a shy introvert, right? But it drains me to people, so I know that I have to build in time after those things. That’s just one little piece. there’s anothertest that I really love, which is about attachment styles, which is actually, you probably know from psychology, attachment styles is really about like, When you’re a child infant into a young child and the bonds that are formed, it definitely plays out in our personal lives, which is how most people look at it.

[00:39:19] But I can tell you it very much relates to your professional life too. Oh my gosh. My attachment style shows up in my business because I want to cut and run. I have an avoidant attachment style. As soon as things get complicated, difficult, stressful, I have a tendency to wanna just be like, I’m outta here.

[00:39:33] Cause I don’t wanna get hurt. We share a lot of the similar styles. Yeah. Knowing that’s important for me. Also, thinking about the kinds of support systems I need, how I’m gonna communicate with other people, what kind of help do I wanna get? What do I need to let them know about how I show up?

[00:39:46] What kind of support do I wanna ask for to? Like I, I’m in several mastermind communities and I ask them all the time to watch for some of these signs in me and to just to gently. forcefully remind me of these things cuz I don’t always see it for myself. So I think the more you [00:40:00] can get that full picture of how you show up in the world, it affects everything from your hires to your time management, to, how you’re gonna outsource things, the right fit for a coach, if you wanna have a coach, all of that.

[00:40:12] So I think doing it from the start and yeah, do it again in 10 years, I don’t care. Like you can take them again. But do that and get that base of knowledge for yourself so that when you work with somebody, you have language To use, you have that vernacular to talk to that person about what matters to you.

[00:40:29] How you show up and make sure that you guys are looking out that same filter.

[00:40:33] Audra: it also ties back to strategy. So when it comes to marketing, I don’t do anything unless there’s a plan behind. Otherwise, what’s the point of it? What is our goal? Why are we doing this? Doesn’t matter if it’s SEO or social media or paid ads.

[00:40:48] I’m not gonna let anybody do anything until we’ve talked about what we are trying to accomplish, and then what are the goals and the steps to get there. we do it the other way around, right? We jump into business, we throw a bunch of crap at the wall hoping something will stick. We don’t get any momentum.

[00:41:04] We go by a different program, different course, different coach. But if they went back to the basics of this is what I’m capable of currently, this is what I like to do, this is what I’m not crazy about. create the plan ahead of time. So then, as you step out there that you’re getting the right pieces of what you need.

[00:41:24] It’s going to speed things up so much faster instead of all this testing and trial and airing and buying courses that you think are going to get you the results. Here’s the other thing for coaching for me. I’ve been in some amazing masterminds. I’ve known of [00:41:40] lots and lots of different coaching programs.

[00:41:41] I’ve paid for hundreds of thousands of dollars in coaching, where I ran into a challenge is trying to fit my business in their box. So they’ve built out a system that gets you X amount of money and x amount of days, right? I’m oversimplifying it, but they’ve got a system. If your business or your knowledge doesn’t fit into that box, the program didn’t work for you and that was a huge waste of money.

[00:42:09] one of my first masterminds I got in, I had a brick and mortar, so I owned a title company also, and I did real estate for about 10 years. I wasn’t doing online yet. this was 2002, there wasn’t a whole lot happening online yet. We didn’t need to, I had so much business I barely could keep up during that time.

[00:42:26] But I went to, a group that there were lots of internet marketers. The translation was lost. Yeah. I’m like, dude, I’m not even online yet. You guys are talking about landing pages and direct response and it was $25,000 investment. I look at it like those are the relationships that I built with those people I still talk to today.

[00:42:48] but I didn’t know any better. cuz you go after and you chase what you think is going to get you faster results, right? pay for speed. But there’s at that point where, Even paying for it isn’t gonna get you there cuz you don’t have the skills to take advantage of what they’re trying to

[00:43:05] Becky: present.

[00:43:06] Yeah. in the same way that you have issues, I think anyone in their own industry gets their, we have our challenges with our industry and coaching is an unregulated industry. Which there’s pros and cons to that. But it also means anyone can call themselves a coach. [00:43:20] And. I understand why a lot of people who are business coaches call themselves coaches, but in fact, what they are is consultants or strategists.

[00:43:28] Coaching in as an actual four, like a, like a practice. Yeah. Is very different than consulting. and I’m a coach in the truest sense of a coach. And that’s difficult because a lot of people don’t understand what coaching is. And because that term has been so misused and is just out in the sphere, and I understand why business consultants call themselves coaches because people now just think that’s what it is.

[00:43:48] But coaching is about creating space, holding space for someone. Yeah. Which that in. It takes is a talent to be able to hold space for someone where they can feel safe, to be vulnerable, to share, to get real, where they can feel heard, validated, right? So it’s about holding space, it’s about asking powerful questions that get people thinking in a new way about themselves, about their situation, right?

[00:44:11] Allows them to get introspective and almost step outside of themselves. And it’s about being that mirror. Which means I’m gonna reflect back to you what I’m hearing about what I know from you about what you’ve said in the past about what I know to be true about your values, all of that, right?

[00:44:23] I’m gonna reflect these big things back to you so you can see them in a way that we can’t always do inside our head, right? So it’s about holding space. It’s about asking powerful questions. It’s about serving as a mirror. That’s what coaching looks like, and it’s truest form that’s coaching.

[00:44:34] It is not about giving advice. It’s not about creating a plan. It’s not about telling you what to do. That is fabulous. But it’s consulting or strategy. And I really wish it was labeled as such more often because it really confuses the marketplace. And so people invest in coaching, And end up paying for a program, a consultancy, a strategy.

[00:44:52] And if somebody’s telling you a strategy, it’s not gonna work. It’s not gonna work. A true coach should be able to coach anyone. because it is truly just [00:45:00] about that I’m not, I don’t need to know your industry.

[00:45:01] Audra: Your products are

[00:45:02] Becky: relevant. Yeah. None of it matters. Yeah. You are gonna do the work. I’m not there to do the work.

[00:45:06] I don’t know the answers. You do. And I have a belief that coaching’s really powerful because I think inside all of us already, we have the answers now. There are certain things, obviously, like how do I build the landing page? If I don’t have that skillset, I need to pay somebody to teach me that skillset or to do that.

[00:45:21] But

[00:45:21] Audra: that’s not coaching. Yeah, but

[00:45:22] Becky: that’s not coaching, right? Correct. So I think when we’re looking for the bigger questions, what changes do I wanna make? Where do I wanna go with this? Do I wanna quit? Do I wanna add a new product line? Who do I wanna hire? Those kinds of things. Coaching is perfect for Yeah, because you have the answers inside of you.

[00:45:38] Agreed. If you’re looking for, I need a marketing plan. Then hire a marketing consultant, a marketing strategist, but know what you’re getting into. And unfortunately, and I don’t blame consumers because the marketplace is so muddied that, how would you know? But I’m hoping anyone listens to this, if nothing else, because I’m am on a mission to help educate people about what coaching is and what it isn’t.

[00:45:59] I hope you walk away with a little understanding of the difference and know what you need. And often people think they need. A consultant or strategist when they don’t. But that’s cuz they don’t yet have that internal belief that they have the answers. If you go and work with a good coach, you’re gonna find the answers.

[00:46:14] Yeah. But you have to find somebody you really can, work well with. but if you really, it’s just I just need somebody to tell me how to do this thing cuz I don’t know how to do it. And I get to get really honest with yourself. Is this a practical skills gap, a knowledge gap? Or am I hoping somebody else will make the hard decisions

[00:46:30] Audra: for. Yeah, that’s what all coach, right? We go to coaches to transfer our fear and our imposter syndrome and our self-doubt. I’m gonna just buy their program. They [00:46:40] got it worked out. I just gotta show up.

[00:46:42] Becky: And that’s a question to have to get quiet with yourself and get honest with yourself.

[00:46:45] Yeah, because if it is, honestly, I just want somebody to tell me what to do. Cause I’m afraid to. Figure it out myself. That is when you need a coach. Now if it is, no, I really know what I need to do here. I just don’t know how. I just need somebody to show me the like steps on

[00:46:58] Audra: different conversation.

[00:46:59] Becky: Yep. Gimme the best practices. Then that’s a consultant strategist and that’s wonderful and that is you should invest there, but know the difference. Cuz if you are going into it saying, I need somebody to help me figure out like what I wanna do or where I wanna go, or. And I have, there’s fear here and I’m just gonna pay for their program and it’s gonna figure it out.

[00:47:15] It’s not gonna work for you. You’re gonna spend, and we’ve all done it. I’ve done it too. I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to get those answers that no one was gonna be able to give to me. No one could. I had to get ’em for myself. Yeah. And that’s hard though.

[00:47:27] That’s really hard to confront in our class. That’s

[00:47:29] Audra: hard. Yeah. So learn from us. Don’t waste your money. Spend a little bit more time figuring out who you are and where you’re trying to go, where the gaps are before you write big checks that you may end up disappointed. maybe you’ll get a great coach and they’ll.

[00:47:44] Step in and do both sides of that equation, but most of ’em don’t want to. They sell a program, that’s all they wanna do. It’s your responsibility to backfill whatever knowledge, whatever mindset you’re stuck in, whatever trauma that you’ve got, they don’t wanna deal with that. They’re trying to make you fit in that box and because that’s how their formula works, right?

[00:48:03] If you don’t get through that program of what those 10 steps are, the program D typically doesn’t work. Now, it doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna learn anything cuz you will, and if you put the work in it will get you further, but it may not be what you need at that specific time. It’s so much better. [00:48:20] If you look at, okay, where I’m at of my business, regardless what the noise is out there, what do I need?

[00:48:27] What is from step one to step two look like? What does step two to step five look like? You don’t need to go from, I got an idea for a business. Okay, how do I turn it into a hundred million? You will just beat yourself up and feel disappointed about it. So back up. Let’s go from one to five. Let’s go from five to 10.

[00:48:46] That is going to be much more achievable and you’ll be able to sustain that much longer. All right. So as we get close to wrapping this up, give me some word of wisdom or some advice that you would give people that are going through the thoughts that we’ve been covering here, and how can you help?

[00:49:06] Becky: I think going back to just because of the mess part. Thinking about the messy stuff for me in the earlier phase of business was that I, that feeling of needing to rush, that I had to have it all figured out. I have to figure it out right now, and if I don’t, it says something about me.

[00:49:21] And I think it’s really important to remember that’s just not true. And I wish, and one of the reasons I’m so excited about this podcast and what I wish more people would do is share the messy. Yeah, because I can promise you it’s messy for everyone. And if they’re telling you it wasn’t, they’re not telling you the truth or they had a ridiculous amount of privilege that doesn’t reflect what your life looks like, and that’s also not your fault.

[00:49:43] They maybe they had a partner at home who paid for everything, or parents who paid for everything, and that’s not your situation and that’s not your fault either. But whatever it is, it’s not your fault. There’s nothing wrong with you, and in fact, you are normal. It’s normal for this to be messy and to be difficult.

[00:49:56] And then I think the other big thing is to think about what we just said, because I think that to me is [00:50:00] so important. Know yourself. Yeah. If you don’t figure out how to know yourself, whether it’s just doing some journaling and some introspection, taking that time to think about it, getting some assessments.

[00:50:08] If you’re not entirely clear, talking to other people about what they notice about how you show up in the world, whatever it looks like to figure out. Who you are and what you need, so that as you move forward with any decision, That you’re making a decision that’s gonna work for you. Is this the support I need right now?

[00:50:23] Do I need a coach or do I need a consultant? Do I need to hire a person to do this or this? Should I continue to do this work or should I be delegating that? Those are all questions that really hinge on how well do you know yourself. Even questions like, do I wanna market in this way or that way, right?

[00:50:38] Do I wanna be somebody who’s using social media a lot or do I not wanna do that, right? Do I wanna add a new product line or not? All of the big questions are about you. It’s your business. You need to know you. And so if you don’t yet feel like you really have that understanding of how you’re showing up in the world, what your unique lens is, and guess what, it’s okay if you don’t because most of us don’t, we just assume everyone sees the world the way we do.

[00:51:00] Cuz it’s the eyes you’re looking through, but you have a unique lens on this world. Everyone does. And figuring that out I think is gonna be so valuable in understanding all of the decisions you need to make. And when you do get in the mess and you will. How you can support yourself through that, right?

[00:51:17] Because that’s gonna look different for each person too, based on how they show up in the world, right? So know thyself.

[00:51:22] Audra: Know thyself, and if nothing else, if you don’t know what you’re trying to do, try stuff. Experiment. And then you’ll at least walk away saying, oh, I know that’s not what I want. And you can start eliminating things.

[00:51:36] So don’t feel like if you don’t have all the answers, that’s okay. Get really good [00:51:40] at just asking questions. What if I did this? Okay, let’s try it and let’s see what the results are. Eh, I’m not so congruent with it, but what it’ll do is it’ll show you another door and another path to continue down. So it’s okay not to know where it’s gonna go.

[00:51:54] When I started zindo, I didn’t know it was gonna evolve into what it’s evolved to. So even with lots of years experience, you’ve gotta just take a chance on yourself. Path will show. Yeah.

[00:52:07] Becky: Think of yourself as a scientist, It’s all an experiment. Try to get into a logic brain. So you’re taking out the emotion from it.

[00:52:13] Yeah. And just look at each thing as an experiment and you’re testing a hypothesis. And if it doesn’t work, it’s not because there was you failed. It’s just the experiment was a failure. And that’s okay. So then you move on to the next one. Yeah.

[00:52:24] Audra: Easier said than awesome. I know. But go back to that.

[00:52:27] Hold on. To that energy. Yeah. To be able to test and iterate. Test and iterate. All right. thank you so much for being here. I’ve truly enjoyed this conversation. There is a way through the mess in the middle, so stay the course and until next time, thank you.


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